Daily Bible Reading: No Small Thing

Matthew 5:18 “…until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished.”

stw1It is easy to get caught up in the small stuff. Many days, it seems everything is a big thing. And consequently, we spend much valuable time worrying, complaining, and arguing about “stuff.” God’s word is full of scriptures about worry. One verse in Proverbs tell us not to boast about tomorrow, because we don’t know what that day will bring (27:1). I think this can relate to Matthew 6:34, where Jesus says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

He also tells us in Matthew 6:25: “…do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” Jesus must have been talking directly to women! I’ll admit that I’m one who “worries”—thinks about!—what I’m going to wear way too often. We become so preoccupied with our diets that we focus on ourselves and what we want from our bodies more than what God wants.

This month’s Daily Bible Reading is filled with “small stuff.” However, many times, it’s the disregard of the “small stuff” that God commanded of His people that results in severe consequences. From famine and plague resulting from David’s pride to Moses’ very “minor” disobedience keeping him from entering the promised land, the reading this month reminds us of the penalty of sin. I hope we will allow ourselves to rest in the assurance that God’s forgiveness covers all we do to sin against Him, when we come to Him with a repentant heart and ask for His forgiveness. And that is no small thing!

– Lisa Grimenstein

Suggested Reading for September

dailybiblereading1SEP 1 1 Chr 15-19
SEP 2 Ps 102-104
SEP 3 Prov 20-21
SEP 4 Hosea 8-14
SEP 5 John 10-12
SEP 6 2 Tim 3-4
SEP 7 Num 13-16
SEP 8 1 Chr 20-24
SEP 9 Ps 105-107
SEP 10 Prov 22
SEP 11 Joel
SEP 12 John 13-15
SEP 13 Titus
SEP 14 Num 17-20
SEP 15 1 Chr 25-29
SEP 16 Ps 108-110
SEP 17 Prov 23-24
SEP 18 Amos 1-4
SEP 19 John 16-18
SEP 20 Philemon
SEP 21 Num 21-24
SEP 22 2 Chr 1-5
SEP 23 Ps 111-113
SEP 24 Prov 25
SEP 25 Amos 5-9
SEP 26 John 19-21
SEP 27 Heb 1-4
SEP 28 Num 25-28
SEP 29 2 Chr 6-10
SEP 30 Ps 114-116

This year’s Bible reading plan was borrowed from BibleReading.com. (To correspond with the 2009 year, we have included actual dates for your referral. You may choose to use the above site, instead.)

Marriage is Honorable

devo1This month’s theme is “Pierce my heart for marriage” and our key scripture is Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage is to be held in honor among all…” The Bible is clear on what love is, and how we are to treat our spouses (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a; Ephesians 5:22-33; Colossians 3:18-19). But, notice the first verse again. It does not say, “Marriage is to be held in honor among married people” or “Marriage is to be held in honor among those who think they want to get married someday,” but, instead, “Marriage is to be held in honor among all” (emphasis mine).

So, what does it mean to honor marriage? Dictionary.com defines honor as “high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank.” Do you have high respect for the married couples you know, and for your future marriage?

Honor married couples

It can be easy to forsake the command of honoring marriage without even realizing it. Married couples are to make their decisions together, jointly, and as a team. If one of our parents says no to something, and we go to the other parent to try to get what we want, we are asking them to become divided as a couple, and we are not honoring that marriage.

If we treat married couples with kindness and gentleness even when we don’t fully understand the decisions they make, then chances are we respect and honor them. If we gossip about them, are rude to one or both of the spouses, judge their decisions, secretly want the husband to notice us, or do anything else that is potentially harmful to their relationship, then we are not honoring their marriage, which is, in turn, sinning against God.

Honor your future marriage

devo2We need to be careful to not only honor the marriages of those around us, but to also honor our future marriage by having godly relationships now, and by keeping ourselves pure for our future husbands (1 Corinthians 7:1-4), praying that they will also remain pure for us.

Apply it

This month, as we’re concentrating on having our hearts pierced for marriage, check the condition of your heart. Are you honoring the marriages of those around you? If not, pray for forgiveness, go to the couple you’ve been dishonoring to ask the forgiveness of both spouses, and strive to do better in the future. Marriage is a gift from God (Genesis 2:22-24), so make sure that you’re honoring all marriages – yours or not.

By Davonne Parks

Till Divorce Do Us Part

ts1With half of all marriages ending in divorce, most of you have either been directly or indirectly affected by it. In my group of friends in school, I was the only one whose parents were not divorced. I will admit, when my friends bragged about having two birthdays (and two of every holiday), I would get a little jealous. However, I didn’t realize the pain that having two of everything can cause in other aspects of their lives.

Problems in any marriage are inevitable. As much as people may try to have the “perfect marriage,” there is no such thing. However, difficult situations and problems are not always a cause for divorce. The Bible only gives one acceptable reason for divorce. Matthew 5:32: “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery…”

No matter what reason is given for a divorce, it is still difficult for all involved. Even the spouse who may have initiated the divorce may find the consequences of their actions difficult to live with. Children of the marriage may find it especially difficult to live with the sudden change in family stability. Having made no mistake, and not always understanding the reasoning behind the split, children in the home somehow end up having to bear the brunt of the situation. Children are juggled between the two parents, having to change beds, clothes, parenting styles, and homes. It is unfair, yes, but a sad reality of our society’s ever-growing demise of marriage.

ts2As Christians, we all sin. So, as children, it is important to realize that our parents may make mistakes. They may have problems in their marriage. Those problems are no reflection on the children. And, although many children find it difficult to accept the thought of their parents living separately, it is something that needs to be worked out between the parents. It will be hard at times to not get caught in the middle, going back and forth between the two. But, remember that although they may not like or love each other anymore, what they say about each other does not have to control how you feel about them. They are still your parents (Ephesians 6:1-3).

Trying to adjust can be difficult. Sometimes talking the problem out will help you deal with the situation and find a way to accept the new changes in your life. Going to a parent is usually the best advice; however, depending on the situation of the divorce, it may be best to talk to a counselor, teacher, or friend. A third party with an outside perspective of the situation may be able to offer a different way to look at the problems so that they are better understood and accepted. Above all, make sure to spend time in prayer and reading God’s Word, so you can feel the continual comfort and support from our Father who is always with us.

By Sarah Ancheta

Instantly Changed: The Result

Read parts one through four in this series here, here, here, and here.

h2hcI do not want anyone to feel like I think I am perfect. I am not. I am aware of my weaknesses. I also know my strengths. Frank and I were just unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). We are two very different people. He never understood my heart. I used to plead with Frank to open up to me and tell me what was on his heart, but he never would. You see, he had too much to hide. What was really frightening to me was when I received a letter from the woman he was having an affair with. It was his letter to her! He was so open with her. He was bearing his soul to her. He was vulnerable. Frank never showed that part of himself to me and it hurt when I realized that some other woman knew him in that way.

I am an open book. I don’t hide anything and I leave myself very vulnerable to getting hurt. Because of that, I was an easy target for Frank. He was a manipulator and I was easy to manipulate. I let it happen until I started being “real.” Then my life changed for the better. God was answering my prayers. I believe His Word when He said, “All things work together for good for those that love the Lord” (Romans 8:28), and I cling to that hope.

Try to know who you are and what you want in life. Don’t let Satan snatch your future away from you. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. I took some college courses as the kids were growing, but I never finished college to get my bachelor’s degree. I always wish that I had. I really didn’t find out who I was until later in life. Please don’t wait that long. Find out now…prayerfully set your goals, listening for God’s direction, and don’t let anything stop you! Pray that God will help you to become a woman that He will be proud of. May God bless you all!

Anonymous

Cooking 101

haf4Whether you are a newlywed or have moved out on your own for the first time, you will need to prepare meals for yourself, your new husband, and any visitors you may have. Some of us have been fortunate enough to have our mothers or grandmothers take us into the kitchen as little girls and show us how to make many different things. Others may not have had anyone to teach them. Some people love to cook, and some people have no desire at all. Even if you had many experiences with cooking, your new husband may have grown up with very different recipes or ways to prepare them. Cooking and sharing a meal together is a great way to unwind and talk about your day, and it is very rewarding to feel like you are a blessing to your husband, family, or visitors. “She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservants” (Proverbs 31:15, NKJV). While some of our most memorable times are around the dinner table, preparing meals can become stressful, and having some basic tips can help to alleviate that stress.

Kitchen Utensils

Sort through all of the kitchen supplies you have received as shower, wedding, or housewarming gifts. Some gadgets may be unfamiliar to you, so look at the package and instructions to know how to use them properly. In setting up your kitchen supplies, make sure you have varying sizes of pots and pans with lids, mixing bowls, roast pans, and casserole dishes. You will need some wooden spoons, pancake turners, slotted spoons, spatulas, tongs, a can opener, and some knives. For baking, you will need cookie sheets, muffin pans, cooling racks, a pie pan, and a set of measuring spoons and cups. Once you have the basics, you have what you need to make most dishes. Specific pans and utensils can always be purchased as you need them or with gift certificates you have received. If you have minimal cooking skills and not many meal ideas, invest in a cookbook. Many cookbooks contain pictures and uses of each kitchen tool, baking/cooking terms, and “how-to” pictures to cut, slice, measure, and bake correctly.

Cooking Ingredients

haf2As with the kitchen supplies, there are always certain ingredients you should keep on hand. Butter, eggs, milk, flour, sugar, salt, pepper, broths, cooking oil/spray, vegetables, fruits, and frozen meats are some common items that are used in recipes. Once you have an idea of what kinds of meals you will be preparing, create a list of all of the meals you know how to make and that you like. Always keep the basic ingredients stocked in your kitchen, as well as items needed to prepare the meals on your “master list.” Once you have your list of meals, you can even sit down and plan out your meals for each day of the week using that master list. Making this weekly plan can help with your grocery list, too. You will know what ingredients and side dishes you will need for each meal and whether or not you have it in your pantry already. This will help your budget and can prevent you from having to make multiple trips to the grocery store for things you have forgotten when you begin to cook the meal.

Be Flexible

Never be afraid to try new things, either. Cut out or make copies of recipes you would like to try, and substitute a new recipe for a meal from your main list at least once a week, just for something new. Allow your list to be flexible. Keep ideas of lighter or heavier meal substitutions. If it’s 80 degrees and humid, scrap the beef stew idea for something lighter that won’t have you standing over a hot stove. If you have a slow-cooker, make sure and use it to your advantage on a day when you know you are busy and may not be home in time to prepare a big meal.

Entertaining

(Betty Crocker’s Cookbook: Bridal Edition)

haf3You may find yourself entertaining more often, and the more you entertain, the better you will become. When deciding what to prepare, keep in mind who is coming, whether it is to be a casual affair or a special celebration, where and when it will take place, and what your budget is. Always plan your main dish first, and remember to complement with side dishes. Make sure the flavors go together. A strongly flavored main dish needs a more mild side dish. If the meal is on the heavy side, try a lighter dessert. People will expect lighter dishes for breakfast and lunch and more hearty dinners. Consider hot foods and rich desserts in fall and winter and fresh, cool dishes in the summer. If there are multiple dishes that need to go into the oven at different temperatures, reconsider some of your options to include dishes that can be served cold, ones that can be served at room temperature, and ones that need to be served hot. Remember to stay organized and relaxed. People are coming over to spend time with you and have a good time. You do not need to impress them with exotic feasts, but serve good food that you enjoy, and your guests are sure to enjoy their time with you. “And make me savory food, such as I love, and bring it to me that I may eat, that my soul may bless you…”(Genesis 27:4, NKJV).

By Sherri Houmard

Mom’s Advice: Clean-up and Supplies

We recently discussed how to make a bed and take care of clothes. Now we’re going to cover basic cleaning tips and supplies needed.

Clean up your mess!

fam2We all grew up in different houses, and so, we all have different concepts of what cleaning is. Some may think even a smidgen of dust is dirty, while others don’t even notice if there’s a layer on every surface. Whatever your preference––or ability to tolerate––it’s nice to have shortcuts for cleaning. Not only will you need to do the general, regular cleaning, there will also be times when certain things will need special attention.

Dirty microwave–– Place a microwave-safe dish of water in the microwave with a lemon slice and bring it to a boil. Once the inside is steamy, open and wipe out the inside with a damp cloth.

Glass Coffeepot–– Combine a mixture of 1 part vinegar to 2 parts water and pour it in your water reservoir. Turn the coffee maker on and let it run completely through. Turn your coffee maker off and allow it to cool for 15 minutes. Pour the vinegar and water mixture down the drain. (You may need to repeat if your coffee maker has not been cleaned in a while.) Rinse the pot out thoroughly with warm water. Then, fill the water reservoir again with clean water and turn the coffee maker on to start the rinsing process. Repeat this rinse one more time to ensure that all the vinegar mixture has been removed.

Garbage Disposal––Smelly disposal? Slice up a lemon into quarters and grind it up in your garbage disposal to freshen the scent and clean the drain.

Don’t do that!

  • Do not add bleach to a load of laundry after the clothes are already in the tub. Add bleach while the water is running, before clothes are added, so that it can be diluted.
  • Do not add dryer sheets to a load of towels. This affects the absorbency of them.
  • Do not mix bleach and ammonia or toilet cleaner. The fumes this creates can be toxic.
  • Don’t allow dirty dishes to set in the sink or on counters for days on end – at the very least, put them in a sink full of hot, soapy water so the grime doesn’t become stuck or covered with bugs.

The shopping list

There are a few things you’ll need when leaving home that will make your housekeeping experience easier.

The tools:

  • fam3Indoor broom
  • Outdoor broom (if you have a deck/patio or garage)
  • Dust pan and brush
  • Wet mop (if you have an area that is not carpeted)
  • Cleaning bucket
  • Vacuum cleaner
  • Dusting cloths (microfiber are great, but an old shirt or sock works and is cheap!)
  • Sponges
  • Scrubbing brush with nylon bristles (for cleaning showers, etc.)
  • Toilet brush
  • Cleaning caddy (makes it easier to carry supplies from room to room)
  • Rubber gloves (to protect your skin from chemicals)

The products:

  • All-purpose cleaner (see our article about organic cleaning supplies)
  • Glass/mirror cleaner
  • Nonabrasive scouring powder (such as Ajax or Comet)
  • Oven cleaner (or you can use your self-cleaning oven if you have one)
  • Furniture polish
  • Toilet cleaner
  • Disinfectant (such as Lysol)

As exhausting as housekeeping may seem, it is doable if you make a routine. Some people choose one room or task to do each day, breaking up the burden of cleaning and keeping house. Others schedule one day a week for “cleaning day,” allowing them to relax concerning housekeeping the other days. Whichever you decide, if you ever have any questions, I’m sure your mom would love to receive a call from you!

“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 31:27

By Lisa Grimenstein

Mom’s Advice: Bed and Clothes

Our mom’s give us plenty of advice as we grow up, especially as we reach adulthood. But how often do we listen to it? When we’re moving out of the house is a great time to seek mom’s wisdom on some of the important things in life––like how to keep a house.

Make your bed!

fam1You’ve probably grown up hearing those words: make your bed. And while you may have ignored them many times, nothing cleans up a bedroom more than a bed that is made. And this doesn’t mean tossing your dirty laundry on the bed and covering it with the comforter before guests arrive. Visit wikihow.com to learn how to neatly make your bed, hospital corners and all.

A well-made bed may be aesthetically essential, but a clean set of sheets is hygienically important. You should get into the habit of changing to a clean set of sheets once a week. Not only will this remove dust mites and dirt, but it will help your sheets last longer too.

There are a few basic things you need for your bed. Obviously, first are the sheets. Unless you want to wash and dry your sheets immediately when changing the bed, it’s nice to have two sets––one to put on the bed while the others are being laundered. One important, yet often forgotten item for the bed––which never gets seen––is the mattress pad. Although this may seem like an unnecessary addition, it will keep your mattress (usually an expensive part of your bed set) cleaner and in better condition. And it adds extra softness to your slumber. If you’re like most people, you’ll probably want a pillow––or three. The number is up to you, as is the firmness and thickness. Next comes the blanket, although you may choose to take this off if you tend to get hot in the summer months. And lastly, most people have some sort of comforter or bedspread. The choice is up to you. Some prefer the frilliness of a bedspread; others, the simplicity of a duvet comforter; and others, the uniqueness of a homemade quilt.

Pick up your clothes!

More than likely, you have at least one thing that will need ironed while living on your own. And while you may never have had to iron at home, now’s the time to take a lesson from Mom. (You can also visit this article on ehow.com to learn about ironing a shirt.) There are several ways to ruin clothes while ironing, so it’s important to know what you’re doing. Obviously, leaving the hot iron sitting on your clothes will burn them. But a wrong setting on the iron can also damage your wardrobe. One thing that is often neglected is cleaning your iron. Make sure that you’re not ironing with a dirty soleplate. This grime may transfer onto your clothes.

fam41Of course, before you can iron your clothes, they need to be clean. Many people have had to do some bit of laundry before leaving home, so hopefully this will be somewhat familiar to you. If not, here’s a little Laundry 101.

Sort your stuff––First start by sorting your laundry by color––whites/lights and darks (reds are also separate). Then sort them further by delicates, towels (which produce lint), lingerie (lingerie bags are great for this), and heavier items such as jeans and sweatshirts.

Pretreat stains––If anything is stained or soiled, now is the time to deal with it. Check your clothing carefully for any stains that need to be treated. Once your clothes have been dried, the stains are pretty much set in. Go here for a list of stain removal tips.

Load the laundry––Now it’s time to fill the washer with your first load. Put in the laundry detergent while running the water in the machine. Remember to consider what temperature is recommended for your load (check the tags!) and which cycle to set it on (again, the tags!). (Keep in mind there are some clothes (silk, linen, wool) that may need to be dry cleaned.) Do not overload your machine! As proud as you may be to fit all 3 weeks’ worth of laundry into one load, it will not be clean when it comes out. There needs to be room for your clothes to agitate (move around) during the wash cycle.

Drying time––When your load is done washing, it’s time to dry. There are some items that may need to be kept out while drying, such as bras and other delicates. Note what setting the dryer needs to be on for your load.

Time to fold––All your hard work will be lost if you leave your clean laundry in a pile on the floor for the next week. As tiresome as it may seem after your day with the washer and dryer, you need to fold your laundry and put it away. If it needs ironed, iron it as soon as possible so you’re not having to iron a wrinkly dress 10 minutes before you need to leave for work.

Stay Tuned

Later, we’ll discuss basic clean-up and supplies needed, so check back soon!

By Lisa Grimenstein

The Wedding Helper: The Big Day

We recently discussed helping the bride before the wedding. Now we’re going to cover how to help on her big day.

hh3The big day

The babysitter

If the couple is like most couples, they have probably included children in the guest list. If you enjoy kids––and have some experience with them––offer to babysit the children during the reception. Depending on the number of children and the ages, you may need to include the help of several others. But this service will not go unnoticed––the adults will be able to enjoy some time with the newly married couple without having to make sure their little one’s fingers are not in the cake.

The chef

Although this can certainly mean you can offer to do the food for the reception, you don’t have to go that far. Offer to provide some pre-ceremony snacks for the couple and their wedding party, especially if they’ll be getting ready during meal times. On your own, or with the help of others, prepare several trays of fruits and veggies and small finger foods. The availability will encourage the bride and others to eat something even if distracted and nervous.

The makeup artist

If you love doing makeup for friends, this may be the perfect opportunity to help out. It can be expensive to hire a professional to do wedding makeup, but brides often want the “expertise” of someone else on their wedding day. Offer to do her makeup on her big day. Make sure you have at least one practice session before the big day. This will give you the opportunity to experiment with color and technique. Also, learn beforehand if the bride (or her party, if you are doing their makeup also) are allergic to any ingredients found in makeup and skin care products. Even if it’s not the wedding day, no bride-to-be wants a major breakout or rash!

The hair stylist

hh2This is another area where the expense can really interfere with a bride’s wedding budget. And even if you’re not the professional stylist, many people can create wedding day tresses. As with the makeup, make sure to schedule in several practice sessions. Come equipped with pictures of up-dos and other styles that might suit the bride’s hair type. Curling irons and bobby pins are often an essential part of styling, so have these on hand. And don’t forget all the supplies on the wedding day!

The photographer

If you can consistently take professional-looking pictures, are able to do basic photo editing (to fix blemishes, coloring, etc.), and have a nice, reliable camera that you’re familiar with, consider offering to take photos for the wedding, as either a photographer, or an extra. If you’ve never photographed a wedding before, practice taking photos at other friends’ weddings (with permission!) before the big day. This can easily save the bride over a thousand dollars, and is something you can do for free as a gift. You can give her a CD of the finished product (after you’ve touched up the good photos, and deleted the bad) so she can choose which photos she wants to post online or print.

The clean-up crew

Like decorating, this job does not require a lot of talent. It really doesn’t require any talent. But it is one job that is often neglected and left for the family to deal with after the exciting and exhausting day. Although this service isn’t going to be in any pictures, it’s one that will be much appreciated. Offer to stay after all the guests––and the couple––have gone, to help clean up the reception area (and ceremony area, if needed). The family may have already hired someone to do this, or it may be included in the cost of the reception hall. But if the family is responsible for clean-up, help them out. It will let them finish more quickly and get home to rest after such a big day.

Weddings are filled with planning––many people put more thought into the planning of the wedding than they do the marriage itself. Helping with the wedding preparation or the big day itself is a great way for you to serve others with the talents God has given you (1 Peter 4:10).

“‘Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!’” Revelation 19:9

By Lisa Grimenstein

The Wedding Helper: Pre-wedding Assistance

hh1Her wedding is one of the most anticipated things in a girl’s life. We play it as young girls. We dream about it as growing young women. Then the time arrives––the wedding date has been set and it’s time to start planning. And this is where the stress often begins.

Although “wedding season” is coming to an end, there are still plenty of weddings going on, and more to come next spring. Many of you may have one or two friends getting engaged or planning their weddings. Now is your chance to help! Remember that while it’s fun–and helpful!–to play helper, and can save the bride a lot of money, make sure that you’re offering help in areas you are good at, not something you think would be fun to try, because inexperienced work could also cause the bride much unwanted disappointment and stress on her big day.

Pre-wedding assistance

The florist

Do you love arranging flowers? Maybe you work or have worked at a florist’s shop? This is a great way you can help out the bride-to-be. Offer your services to create the flower arrangements for the wedding. I know several people who have offered to provide flower arrangements and bouquets, at cost, for the wedding as their gift to the bride and groom. Not only does this save the couple the cost of paying someone to do it, but it allows you to bless them with the special gift of your service.

The baker

If your passion is baking, this might be a great way to serve the couple. Bake their wedding cake. Of course, this is definitely not the job for your average cake baker. If you feel confident enough to offer your services, make sure you practice, practice, practice! It would also be a good idea to take a class on cake decorating––especially one with a focus on wedding cakes.

The calligrapher

hh4Do people tell you you have great handwriting? Offer to help the bride with one of the most dreaded of all pre-wedding jobs––invitations. Set a day, or days, when you can get together and address wedding invitations. Not only will the job go faster, but it will give you some great talk time with your friend in the midst of all the wedding busyness.

The decorator

This is one of the most basic jobs you could help with. You really don’t have to be an interior designer to help out with the set up of the wedding and reception. Unless the couple are having their reception in a location where the decorating is taken care of, they will need to set up the place themselves. Offer to help set up flowers, lights, tables, and chairs at the wedding and reception places. This will remove a lot of stress from the bride and her family, who are usually the ones setting up.

Coming up

Later, we’ll discuss how to help the bride on her wedding day, so check back!

By Lisa Grimenstein

Instantly Changed: The Divorce

Read parts one through three in this series here, here, and here.

h2hb1After more than 20 years of marriage, we divorced. That was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my entire life. We were in marriage counseling for years and years, and if Frank really wanted to change then he would have in that amount of time. Frank loved himself more than anything or anyone else. I couldn’t take any more of his lies, his unfaithfulness, or his abuse.

I have always felt bad for my kids––for the fact that I didn’t leave Frank sooner and that I was too scared to stand up for myself or for my kids. Whenever I would stand up to Frank, he would get so angry and I would cower to him. He would throw things, break things, and yell so loudly at me or the kids. My oldest child always got the brunt end of his anger for some reason. I felt like I had to keep the peace in my home. I was always catering to Frank so he wouldn’t get angry with the kids.

Frank also used the kids against me. He would lie and tell me they did bad things so that I would get mad at the kids. I stopped doing that when I realized that Frank was manipulating me. He was jealous of my children’s relationship with me.

I feel bad that my kids have come from a broken home, even though they were all grown when we got divorced. There is nothing I can do about that though, because it is reality. They didn’t want me to stay with him. They knew he would still be unfaithful to me. They knew he wasn’t good for me. But I know it is still hard for them, especially during the holidays. I think we all would like to skip right over them all together. My heart aches at times for the pain they have gone through. They are all adjusting well, but it still hurts me, even though the divorce was not my fault, but rather because of Frank’s unfaithfulness.

I remember that while I was married, I always prayed that Frank would be a faithful husband to me, that he would put God first in his life, because if he did then he would be the husband I needed him to be and be the father to my children that he should be.

There was one major problem with that. Frank only loved himself; he wanted to satisfy his own lusts. He put his needs and desires before anyone else’s. Even if I was the most beautiful woman on the earth, I wouldn’t have been enough for him. He wanted to have variety and I couldn’t fulfill that. I always tried to look my best for him. I put makeup on everyday and did my hair. I tried to be attractive to him. I didn’t get it for a long time that it didn’t matter how good I looked. Frank was a cheater. He wasn’t going to change.

h2hb2I had to learn to be “real.” I always had this false hope that everything would work out––that Frank would change. I couldn’t understand why my prayers regarding Frank were going unanswered. I was hurting…deeply…why wasn’t God hearing my pleas? Then one day, I read in the Bible that God gives people over to their debased minds (Romans 1:28). I knew then that I needed to pray for the truth to be revealed to me.

Almost immediately things started presenting themselves to me that showed me reality. My marriage counselor had always told me to “be real.” It was painful––very painful. I was given the answers slowly. God only revealed them to me as I could handle them. Little by little I started growing stronger and trusting in God completely. He had heard my prayers. I just needed to understand that I had to pray for the truth to reveal itself.

There were times that I was on my knees, kneeling in prayer and sobbing. I prayed for God to help me. I didn’t always know what to pray for. I felt so alone. One day, after Frank and I had separated, I was on my way home from church. I was alone, and I wanted so desperately to just die right then, even if it was by my own doing. I thought of my children. I couldn’t do that to them. Even though I was leaning so much on them at that time for support, I knew that they still needed me. Sometime in life, they would need me when I became strong again. I went into my bedroom and fell on the floor, too weak to hold myself up, and I wept harder than I ever had in my life. I just prayed out loud, “Oh God, help me!” I didn’t know what to pray for but I knew that God was the only one Who could help me.

God helped me to get through my divorce. The pain of divorce and of breaking up my children’s home, as they knew it, was devastating for me as well as for them. I am so thankful for my children. Quite frankly, if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have had the strength to go through with the inevitable. Frank can’t hurt me emotionally anymore. I won’t allow him to. It is amazing how deeply I loved Frank and now, how numb I am. My dad always told me there is a fine line between love and hate. I don’t hate Frank. I don’t feel anything at all toward him. I’m just numb.

The pain of divorce doesn’t only affect the two people getting the divorce, but it also affects children, extended families, friends, and brothers and sisters in Christ. People didn’t know how to treat me anymore, and I kind of became displaced. I was no longer invited to “couples” activities and I sat all by myself at church. I felt all alone.

Check back soon to read the conclusion of this series.

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