Instantly Changed: The Boy

extra8This true story was submitted to us anonymously, and will appear in several parts throughout the summer, in our Heart to Heart column.

Think about the choices you make now because one night of sinful indiscretion can change the course you will take and may alter your life forever.

I didn’t give myself a chance for my life to start, or to really know what I wanted in a career or in life, before it was altered after getting pregnant by my boyfriend when I was in high school. We ended up getting married––a marriage that should never have taken place, but one that lasted over twenty years and ended in divorce.

I loved children and homemaking, so I had additional children and stayed at home to raise them, which I never regretted doing. In fact, I don’t regret my life and I like who I am, even with the battle scars of life that I carry. I have overcome trials and have become a much stronger, godlier woman.

I was young, shy, naïve, and very innocent until I met this boy, “Frank,” in my early years of high school. Even as a young girl, I was very knowledgeable about the Bible and I was raised in a Christian family. I was by every definition a “good girl.” When I met Frank, he was very charming, but not at all the type of boy I was used to. My dad was always a very gentle and calm man. Frank was just the opposite. He was loud, he cussed, was dominating and very forceful.

Why the connection was made, I’ll never know. I think that I had a low self-esteem for some reason. He was so dominant that he overpowered me. Quite honestly, I let it happen because I didn’t know how to stand up to him. I didn’t like the way he always yelled at people and got into physical fights, lied, and flirted with other girls, and he was really stuck on himself. He didn’t act the way the Christian boys did at church, but somehow I was drawn in.

He asked me to “go with him.” I wasn’t even allowed to date until I was 16, and at that time I was only 14 years old. I was just so happy that a boy was paying attention to me, so I said yes. It wasn’t long before all the kissing and petting started. Later on, we had sex on a fairly regular basis.

There were many times that I didn’t want to do those things––I was a “good girl” after all. Frank was persistent, testing my “love” if I didn’t participate. After a while I wanted sex just as much as he did. That’s the problem with sin. At first you feel so guilty, but each time you give in to sin, it gets easier and easier. I mistook sex for love. I figured that since we were having sex, then that meant he loved me.

extra7I still battled within myself about having premarital sex. I knew God wouldn’t be proud of me, but somehow Frank would make me feel it was okay because we would be married someday––his idea, not mine. Deep within me, I never felt that we would be married; he just wasn’t the type of boy I liked. He would misquote scripture and twist it to justify having sex with me. I went along with it, and even tried to convince myself that he was right, even while I knew deep down that he was wrong.

During this time, Frank came to my church on his own. A few months later, he was baptized. The boys from church would invite him to their homes, and afterward, Frank would tell me that those Christian boys were just like all other boys and that they were disgusting. It was Frank’s way of manipulating my mind against all Christian boys, because at one time I had told Frank that I wasn’t ever going to marry him, but that I would be marrying a Christian boy someday. In his mind, he had to turn me against them. Frank told me that he was the only person that I could trust. He really knew how to work me, that’s for sure, so I believed anything and everything he told me.

Since I was disillusioned about the boys from church, I let myself believe that Frank and I would be married someday. Then I felt justified in having sex with him. I would hear rumors about Frank having sex with other girls or of him kissing them. Some of the girls would act “all knowing” when they were around him. I sensed that there were secrets between them. When I would confront Frank about the rumors, he would say, “Oh people are just jealous of us and they are trying to break us up”! I always felt guilty for doubting him.

My parents didn’t think he was a boy I should be hanging out with, so they forbade me to date him. Over the course of three years in high school, we snuck around to see each other. I know my parents did what they thought was best for me, and even though it doesn’t excuse my behavior, I wish they would have let me date him, because then I wouldn’t have tried to prove to them what a “great” guy he was. I think I could have been honest with myself about him. Instead, I was continually trying to make him look good, and as a consequence, I didn’t deal with reality. Don’t misunderstand me; I don’t blame my parents. They just did what they felt was the right thing to do. I just wasn’t assertive enough to end my relationship with Frank for good.

Check back next month to read part two.

– Anonymous

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