Personal Growth – Page 17

Cliques

October 21, 2008 Leave a Comment

Q. Dear Rachel,
How can youth groups keep from having cliques?
-Anonymous

A. Honestly, I think it’s impossible to completely avoid having cliques. There will always be people with whom we get along better than others. That’s not necessarily a bad thing as long as different groups can still interact and have fun together, and do not consider themselves superior to others. It is essential to be in a group that will encourage you to be godly. It’s important to have someone you can relate to in your youth group. The problems arise when cliques are taken to the extreme. If some people talk down to a certain group or completely ignore them, then there is a problem. Of course, you may not mean to isolate someone from your group, but that is often what happens. You must always be aware of how you treat others.

One important way to avoid isolating others and to grow closer as a youth group is to not gossip about other people. If you gossip about people, you are planting a seed of disapproval in the minds of others. Every time they see that person they will think about whatever rumor you passed on to them, whether it is true or not. Not only is it not Christ-like, but we are told in I Thessalonians 5:11 to build up one another. This does not include spreading rumors.

Another way to avoid isolation is to make an effort to include everyone. Make sure that everyone is included in your activities. If the person is shy, talk to them first and invite them to sit with you. Sometimes a little friendliness is all it takes to make someone more comfortable and talkative. Even if you’re not best friends with everyone in your youth group, you still need to have enough love for each other to be able to work well together and communicate. Remember, you have a common bond, which is your love for God and your desire to serve Him.

If someone is different from you and your friends, do not judge them for it. Be understanding and compassionate. They may be going through something that you’ve never experienced before. If that’s the case, they may need you more than you realize at the moment. We are all one in Christ (Gal. 3:28). No matter who we are, we are all His children. He loves us all the same, no matter who our friends are. Just because someone else doesn’t share our interests doesn’t mean that they are any less special or important, or that they need any less attention from fellow Christians. Also, we must remember to love one another (John 15:12). By loving as John commands us to love, we should have very few problems with cliques. If you don’t like a person’s actions, remember that you are to love your enemies as well as your neighbors (friends) (Matt. 5:44). In this case, you need to examine your heart and pray that God will help you to love those whom your heart is resisting loving.

In order to have a healthy, growing youth group, you must be willing to accept new people. You are not better than anyone else simply because you’ve been a Christian longer, struggled less, or attended your church and known everyone in the youth group since you were born. We are all equally God’s children.

Do not be discouraged if the cliques in your church do not immediately disappear. It takes time to build relationships. It requires the participation of everyone to succeed. You may need to discuss the problem with everyone. They might not even be aware that there is a problem. Remember to treat each other with the respect and love that God commands us to demonstrate.

Even if no one else is willing to give up their clique, refuse to become involved in mean behavior, and pray for their hearts. God can use your example to change their hearts. When others see your attitude and decision to live in a godly way, they may just take your lead.

– Rachel Conley

Filed Under: A Girl Like You

To Keep Ourselves Virtuous

October 19, 2008 Leave a Comment

It’s now October. We’re far enough into the school year to know our routines pretty well and we can juggle more stuff that comes up. Autumn is just starting—it’s getting chillier and the leaves are starting to change colors. This month’s project is to “adopt” a young girl from your congregation and encourage her to be virtuous.

Before you get started, however, you need to examine yourself and pray that God will reveal to you where you might be lacking in this area. We cannot teach and encourage others if we are not willing to be virtuous ourselves.

Once you choose which girl to spend time with, ask your parents if it would be okay for her to come home with you for a few hours. Then ask her parents and explain to them what you would like to achieve by spending that day with their daughter. It doesn’t have to be all day; just a few hours would be fine. Respect the schedule of her parents and yours. Once you’ve received permission from both parents, it’s time to explain to the girl what being virtuous means, and ask her if she’d like to spend the day with you. Another great idea would be to involve the girl’s sisters! If both girls are at an age where they could understand and benefit from what you’re planning to talk about, ask the parents if you can take both girls for the day.

Talk to the girl(s) in a way she will understand. Give her ideas on how to be modest, to think before she speaks, and to remain calm and focused when agitated. For example, talk to her about praying to the Lord for relief and peace when she is angry, agitated, or sad. Talk to her about having a thankful heart and praising God in the happy times. This will (hopefully) help get her into a habit of praying to the Lord regularly, and will encourage her to have a reliance on God at a much younger age, therefore creating a closer relationship. If the young girl doesn’t understand something you’re talking about, try to come up with an example to show her what you mean.

By encouraging the younger generation, we’re helping to ensure the church’s future. The younger people (that are now kids to us) are the ones that are going to be responsible for spreading the gospel in the future. Their actions and how we encourage them to be godly will influence their decisions for the rest of their lives. We’re going to be the older, wiser people of the church that will be there for the younger ones even as we age. We all should be striving to the goal and challenge of keeping the church alive and interesting in the hearts of the younger people. Think of where we would be if someone hadn’t talked to us about Christ and showed us the true Light. Let’s encourage others to remain steadfast in being virtuous young women, just as someone else has encouraged us.

“And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you request, for all the people of my town know that you are a virtuous woman.” Ruth 3:11

By: Alyssa Sturgill

Filed Under: Helping Hands

I am the Vine

October 15, 2008 Leave a Comment

The following song is by Knowles Shaw. When I think of virtue, one thing I think of is bearing fruit for Jesus. Think about the words and what they mean in your life.

“I am the vine and ye are the branches,”
Bear precious fruit for Jesus today;
Branches in Him no fruit ever bearing,
Jesus hath said, “He taketh way.”

“Now ye are clean thro’ words I have spoken;
Living in Me, much fruit ye shall bear;
Dwelling in you, My promise unbroken,
Glory in heav’n with Me ye shall share.”

Yes, by your fruits the world is to know you,
Walking in love as children of day;
Follow your Guide, He passeth before you,
Leading to realms of glorious day.

“I am the vine and ye are the branches;
I am the vine, be faithful and true;
Ask what ye will, your pray’r shall be granted,
The Father loved me, so I have loved you.”

I want you to read the next passage with God in your heart. These are the virtues that every one of us should display or be striving for in our daily lives.

Romans 12:9-21 “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be conceited. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Think about your life every day––what do you do to show the world that you are God’s?

By Megan Skinner

Filed Under: Devotionals

Depression

October 11, 2008 Leave a Comment

The following passage is from the book of Proverbs. It is about being a virtuous woman. I want you to notice that she is always busy, always doing something with her time. She’s helping others who are in need. She is healthy and confident, joyful and wise.

The Virtuous Woman

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” Proverbs 31:10-31

What’s stopping you?

Although this type of woman is one that we should all strive to be, many times we have a hard time being virtuous and joyful and productive. For many women, depression can interfere with their ability to become a Proverbs 31 woman.

According to depression.com, women are almost twice as likely to become depressed as men. The higher risk may be due partly to hormonal changes brought on by puberty, menstruation, menopause, and pregnancy. It is normal to feel “depressed” occasionally; however, depression is a much more serious problem. Review the following list and consider how often you experience any or all of these thoughts or feelings.

Depression symptoms:

constant feelings of sadness, irritability, or tension
decreased interest or pleasure in usual activities or hobbies
loss of energy, feeling tired despite lack of activity
a change in appetite, with significant weight loss or weight gain
a change in sleeping patterns, such as difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much
restlessness or feeling slowed down
decreased ability to make decisions or concentrate
feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or guilt
thoughts of suicide or death

Although we all tend to experience some of these feelings from time to time, for many people, these feelings and thoughts are constant and debilitating. If you think that you suffer from depression, seek help from a doctor or a therapist. Talk to a parent, friend, or school guidance counselor about it first, if that helps.

Food of the Month: Pumpkin

Pumpkins have a lot of beta-carotene, which is a form of vitamin A. According to Pumpkins and More, “current research indicates that a diet rich in foods containing beta-carotene may reduce the risk of developing certain types of cancer and offers protection against heart disease. Beta-carotene offers protection against other diseases, as well as some degenerative aspects of aging.” So, help yourself to another slice of that pumpkin pie!

To find out more, visit Color Me Pumpkin or Pumpkins and More.

By Megan Skinner

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Filed Under: Health and Fitness

Getting Close

October 6, 2008 2 Comments

The first time I saw the sand and the ocean as far as my eyes could see, is when I realized that I saw Him. I stood on the beach with the sand between my toes and the water washing over them and I felt Him. Still to this day, I will never forget how close I feel to God when I am at the ocean. All of us have a place where we feel closest to Him. When I was twenty, I left home for a period of time and moved to the North Carolina coast. Any time I needed to feel close to God, I went to the beach. I usually went late in the evenings when others had gone home. I knew I could pray wherever I was and He would hear me, but feeling Him is what gave me comfort. When I had to leave North Carolina and move back to Kentucky I took one last drive to the beach. Alone, late at night, I sat there with the water rushing around me and cried. I had never felt as close to God as I did when I was on a beach. What was I going to do now?

I moved back home and I immediately missed that closeness. I prayed and prayed. And although that can bring some comfort, for me I needed to feel as though He heard me. One fall day I went for a drive alone. The leaves had changed colors and seeing all the colorful trees on the mountainside simply amazed me. I pulled over and decided to take a walk up an old path. I was half way up the path when I felt Him. I looked down and there were leaves everywhere. The cool autumn air, the birds chirping––I knew He was telling me something.

I didn’t need the ocean to feel Him. Sometimes I don’t even need to pray to feel close to Him. I simply need to take the time to appreciate the marvelous works He created. The snow in the winter, the rain and flowers in the spring are all signs He gives us that He is alive. In some form, everyday, I look for Him. I always make it a point to appreciate the blessing He gives me of life so that I can enjoy His works.

By Sarah J. Ancheta

Filed Under: Heart to Heart

Virtuous Friend Choices

October 5, 2008 Leave a Comment

What do you look for in a friend? I’m sure most of us would say that humor, kindness, and common interests are among the top characteristics on our list. I’m also sure most of us believe that our friends are good people who want to do what is right. However, when you take a closer look, how many of your friends could be described as genuine, virtuous, and full of integrity?

A little over a year ago, I met a group of girls who are among the most genuine young women I have ever known. These women really strive to be virtuous. They know that includes how they dress, how they talk, and what they watch and read. I know gossip can be fun at times, and almost instinctive, to women. But these women have their minds set on refusing to do that. There are many fun, cute clothes out there, and we tend to argue that it’s okay to look nice in front of guys. My friends don’t buy into it, and they choose to always dress modestly. They also don’t watch or read immoral things because they are well aware that we are to set our minds on what is good and pure (Phil. 4:8).

If we truly want to be virtuous, and to encourage others to do the same, then we should seek out friends who challenge us to be virtuous as well. Does this mean that you need to get rid of all your friends who gossip and watch bad movies? Not necessarily, because you can be an example to them. But it does mean that you should start making an effort not to participate in the gossip and movies with them. I’ve noticed that since I’ve spent time with these upright women, I am much more convicted not to gossip when I’m with my other friends. I also make a conscious decision not to dress in ways that might tempt men. What good is there from tempting someone to sin? “It is better not to … do anything else that will cause your brother to fall” (Romans 14:20–22). These women challenge me to be a better Christian. When developing relationships with women who truly strive to be virtuous, over time, sin becomes less comfortable and much more noticeable. And so, I challenge you to form relationships with girls who will encourage you with their virtuosity.

By Lisa Grimenstein

Filed Under: Heart to Heart

Virtue in Mind, Heart, and Body

October 4, 2008 2 Comments

Most of us want to be virtuous, but many of us struggle with that to some extent. Maybe we don’t know exactly how to be virtuous, or if it’s even worth the effort. Every Young Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn addresses that in a very straightforward manner. These authors tell us what it really means to be pure, how to reclaim purity if we’ve lost it, how to stay pure, and how to fully love and rely on the One who will never disappoint us, Jesus Christ.

Every Young Woman’s Battle is broken down into seven sections, with each section having three or four chapters, making a grand total of 222 pages full of information about all areas of sexual purity. The sections include:

Part 1: Understanding Our Battle
Part 2: Avoiding Self-Destruction
Part 3: Avoiding the Destruction of Others
Part 4: Guarding Your Mind
Part 5: Guarding Your Heart
Part 6: Guarding Your Body
Part 7: Looking for Love in the Right Places

The chapters in these sections discuss modesty, flirting, the media, breaking cycles of abuse, common excuses for premarital sex, how far is too far, and more. The final section tells us how to know when the time is right for Mr. Right, how to become Mrs. Right, and how to fall in love with Jesus.

Who is this book for?

This book is for anyone who has become sexually active and wants to learn how to stop, girls who haven’t yet had their first kiss and want to know where to draw the line before they make mistakes, and people who don’t think having sex or fooling around outside of marriage is wrong (you’ll probably think otherwise after reading this book).

Boy Book

To learn how a guy’s mind works, read Every Young Man’s Battle. Learning about purity from a guy’s perspective is very eye-opening as to the large role we play in helping them to be pure. A note of caution: some of the issues discussed in this book are very personal and not for the young teen reader.

Your Mind, Heart, and Body

We’ve previously discussed the disease and heartache that premarital sex can bring, and it’s important to keep in mind that just because we’re not having sex outside of marriage, it doesn’t mean we’re okay. God wants us to be completely pure for our own good. First Thessalonians 4:3-4, 7: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification.”

Sexual impurity happens long before technical virginity is lost. Nobody is going to guard our purity but ourselves, and if we are going to win this battle, we must enter it prepared. Every Young Woman’s Battle gives us the information we need to prepare ourselves as much as possible for the road that lies ahead, so one day we will be able to show our love to our husbands fully, without reserve, and without regret.

Davonne Parks

Filed Under: Media Matters

Pre-marital Sex

October 2, 2008 1 Comment

As with many moral dilemmas in our society, sex before marriage is becoming more and more acceptable. It seems as though we are bombarded with the issues of sex at a younger and younger age. Unfortunately, that means that as Christians, our choice to abstain from sex until marriage is no longer popular.

I know sex is a very touchy subject for many people. Teenagers are scared and curious. Some of you probably want to talk about it, but aren’t sure how. I think the biblical answer is simple and straightforward: The only way that sex is not a sin is when it is inside a marriage. “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Yet our country has a huge problem (and not just with teenagers) of sex outside of marriage.

The first reason many teenagers give for excusing sex is that the two love each other and will be together eventually anyway. My first response to that is that if you are going to be together anyway, why not wait? Having sex because you believe you are in love is not a reason for sex. What happens once you have sex and then one of you goes off to college, or you break up and date other people? You are left feeling used and betrayed. If you are in love and are going to be together, you can wait until the commitment of marriage has been made before having sex. God does not withhold sex from single people to make them miserable. He understands the emotional baggage and physical regrets that we may face.

I know most of you have heard this a hundred times: if he loves you, he will wait. It took me a long time to believe that. As teenage girls, we feel a lot of pressure from friends and boyfriends to have sex. Sometimes it gets to the point where you believe that if you have sex with him, he will love you. But, I promise you, it is just the opposite. You do not have to prove your love by having sex with him. And if he believes or says that he will love you more after you’ve had sex, he has a wrong and unbiblical idea of love.

Contrary to many teenagers’ beliefs, there is no mysterious club you join once you have had sex. It does not make you more mature, it does not make you wiser. In actuality, by choosing to have sex before marriage you open yourself up to a lot of pain and disappointment.

Pre-marital sex opens the door to various problems, including sexually transmitted diseases that even protection cannot protect you from. There are risks of pregnancy, AIDS, HIV, Chlamydia, and many others that can affect your future relationships as well as your health and ability to have children. First Corinthians 6:18 tells us, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” Your only protection is abstinence.

It seems as though in our society more and more teenage girls get pregnant. And while I am not saying this should be acceptable, they are many times judged at school by girls who are doing the same thing, but just have not gotten caught. I will never forget the first time I personally knew someone who got pregnant. My best friend found out at the beginning of our senior year that she was pregnant. Many people called her names and judged her because of this. Yet, later in the day you would hear them talking about doing the same act that got her in that situation. Does avoiding pregnancy make having sex okay? NO. The pregnancy is not the sin. The act of pre-marital sex is.

I know the damage pre-marital sex can cause all too well. As hard as it is for me to talk about, I have been there. I had pre-marital sex. Because of that, I contracted something called HPV. It is a virus that causes cervical cancer. (Although there is now a vaccine, they did not have that out when this happened to me.) When I was 18, the doctor found pre-cancerous cells on my ovaries and cervix. After several procedures to remove those cells, I was told I could never have children. I will never forget that day. I was too afraid to tell my parents, especially my mom. How could I ever have let this happen to me? I thought protection meant I was protected. Not so. There is NO protection that protects 100 percent––except abstinence. I sat and cried for days. I knew now my future was nothing. Who would want to ever marry me? I could not have babies and I had not saved myself for my husband. I could easily sit and blame my bad decisions on lack of self-esteem and wanting to be liked. But I take full responsibility for what I did. I asked God to forgive me for my actions and I learned to forgive myself.

Although God blessed me and my husband with a child, I will never forget that my bad decisions could have taken that away from me. I know it was only by the grace of God that I was granted a second chance at becoming a mom. I realize, though, that God knew what the future could hold for me. But, in my rush to grow up, I didn’t take into consideration the damage I was doing to myself and my body.

I only hope that my story will help some of you to make better decisions than I made. If you are having sex before marriage, I strongly urge you to reconsider your decision. Just because you have had sex before with someone does not mean you have to continue that aspect of your relationship. On the other hand, if you talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and he wishes to continue the physical aspect of the relationship anyway, than this is a relationship that you have to end. Remember that while this may be someone you love and want to be with, if that person loved you back, they would respect your feelings and God’s commands. If you know someone who may be in a relationship like this, talk to them about it. Explain that pressure and self-esteem are not reasons to have sex. Most importantly, if you or someone you know needs to be tested and/or have a health screening, know that there are places you can go to get help. County health departments can treat you, and your treatment can be confidential. Don’t think that because you made a mistake, you have to go untreated. The first step in changing your present is letting go of your past.

By Sarah J. Ancheta

Filed Under: Tough Stuff

To Dance or Not to Dance

October 1, 2008 2 Comments

All my life I have heard different opinions on the morals of dancing and going to dances. I have heard these from Christians and non-Christians, both young and old. I will not lie to you by saying that I think it is always wrong to dance, but I will tell you that I have made the choice not to attend dances. There are many things that contribute to my decision, but the main reason is because I desire so strongly to remain pure that I will not put myself in a position where I may give in to temptation (James 4:7).

Now, dancing around at an all-girl slumber party is not what I am talking about. I’m referring to dancing at parties and school dances. In itself, dancing at these events may not be wrong––but it certainly can become sinful (Matthew 26:41). Instead of dancing being the enjoyment of innocent fun, it often develops into something sexual and very inappropriate. You and your dancing partner obviously have the choice of not allowing it to become sinful, but this can be ridiculously difficult.

To explain what I mean I will use an experience from last year. I was home-schooled through most of middle school; as high school approached, I decided to rejoin public school. This was a hard decision but I think for me it was the right one. I have a best friend who went to a Christian private school all her life and also entered public school for high school.

The Homecoming dance, which follows a huge football game, was during the beginning of the school year. I had made up my mind not to go, but since my friend had never been to a dance she begged me to come with her. So that night I asked my boyfriend to come with us, and after some convincing, he came too. I rushed home, threw on a dress, and headed straight to the dance.

It started out all right, mainly because no one was really dancing yet. But it quickly became something that I was simply ashamed to even be present at. A huge crowd of people toward the front were doing some of the most heinous dance moves I’ve ever seen in my life. I could not believe that these teenagers thought it was okay to dance in such a way and that the chaperons allowed them to do it! I was shocked and very upset.

We wanted to leave but were unable to, so we were forced to stand awkwardly in the back until the end of the party. We had a decent time in our little huddle, but I still would have rather been at home.

I am certainly not trying to say that all dances are bad, but I will say that they all have the potential to become bad (Proverbs 16:17). From this experience my friends and I have decided not to attend any more dances––instead we plan replacement activities! For example, during the previous dance at school we invited all of our friends from school and our youth group to an adult friend’s house from church to play games until midnight and then we all went bowling. We had Guitar Hero, Dance Dance Revolution, video games, and karaoke! It was a blast! Everyone had a great time and the awesome thing was that no one regretted skipping out on the dance.

This decision to not attend dances is one that should be decided personally after reading God’s word, talking to your parents, and praying (I Corinthians 7:5). Always consider the outcomes possible in every choice. Think to yourself how you, others, and God will benefit or not benefit from going to dances. If you discover after real thought that nothing truly good could result then choose to spend time in other activities. Always think if what you’re doing will glorify the Lord or not––if not, find another way to have fun and enjoy your time!

Shelby Garrett

Filed Under: Dating

The Heart of the Matter

October 1, 2008 2 Comments

Most of us want to be truly virtuous, but we struggle with a desire to do sinful things. Why is it so hard to do what’s right when we know exactly what “right” is (Matthew 26:41)? We know gossip is wrong (1 Timothy 3:11), we know we need to dress modestly (1 Timothy 2:9), we know it’s a sin to lie (Revelation 21:8), and we know we should remain sexually pure (Hebrews 13:4). So if we know the difference between right and wrong, and since the Bible is so clear about the consequences of sin (1 Corinthians 6:9-10), then why do we still have such a difficult time living for Him?

I think the reason is because we allow little things that “aren’t that bad” into our lives all the time. How many times this week have you said, or heard someone else say, “It’s not that bad.” That is the same thing as saying, “It’s not good.” To say it’s not that bad is to minimize the significance and danger of sin. God knows that sin will hurt us, which is why he tells us not to do it! Think of all the ways things that aren’t “that bad” creep into your life. When we watch a TV show or movie that celebrates fornication, we are allowing impurities to enter our hearts, through our eyes and ears. When we bring our boyfriend home to our empty house after school and make out with him on the couch, we are knowingly allowing sexual thoughts to enter our brains. When we read articles in magazines that tell us when it’s okay to tell a little white lie, we are allowing ourselves to think that maybe God’s word, and His commandment to never lie, doesn’t apply to all situations.

Here’s the truth: it matters! Sin, in any form, matters! Satan uses those little white lies, the make out sessions, and the “not that bad” movies to desensitize us to sin. When we begin with one “not that bad” sin, we start a pattern of other “not that bad’s” that generally lead to something very, very bad! Satan knows that, and he will get to us in any way he can. We must also keep in mind that, to God, sin is sin. A small fib is as bad as a huge lie (1 Timothy 4:1-2). If we hate someone, it’s on the same level as murder (1 John 3:15). All sin is equally bad to our Lord.

Our hearts matter!

God looks at our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7). Is your heart beautiful, or is it ugly and full of sin? It doesn’t matter what the girl in your youth group does. We’re not talking about her. We’re talking about you. What does your heart look like? Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” If we find ourselves gossiping, lying, cursing, or watching inappropriate movies, the main problem is not our actions. The main problem is our impure heart causing us to do the sinful action.

How do we get a pure heart (Psalm 51:10)? We need to stop looking at others around us! We will always be able to find somebody who seems worse, or more sinful, than we are. That makes it so easy to justify what we’re doing. We can’t compare ourselves to other people. If we say, “Well, I do this, but that girl does….” then we’re justifying our sin based on the actions of other people. We need to say, “I did this, but Jesus would have…” Wow. Big difference, huh? The only human being we should compare ourselves to is Jesus. We need to look to Him, strive to live like Him, and not worry about what other people are doing.

The other people will have to answer for themselves (Romans 2:6-7), and while we do need to be a good example, encourage them to do well, and be happy for them when they succeed, we also need to make sure that we ourselves are right with God. Not for anyone else, and not to put on any kind of show, because when our heart is right, our show will naturally become one worth watching and emulating, and one that highlights Jesus.

Proverbs 31:10: “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”