Q. My friend and I have always been known as “good girls.” She is not a Christian, but she has never gotten drunk, had sex, or done drugs. However, she recently became friends with another girl at our school. This girl is a lot of fun to be around but she is not the best influence for my friend. She often invites my friend to parties where there is drinking and immoral actions. I have been invited, too, but I always turn her down. My friend has attended a few of these parties, and, although she has not yet, I am afraid that she’ll give in to peer pressure and be caught up in worldly things. I tried to speak with her on the subject and even showed her verses about drinking but all she did was get angry at me and accuse me of “getting religious” on her. She said she can take care of herself and doesn’t need me to mother her. I would like to believe her, but, unlike me, she does not have a religious tie to bind her to moral actions. She must depend on her own willpower. She chose to abstain from worldly practices on her own accord, not because of any religious teachings. How can I influence her to continue her moral life and maybe even become a Christian without “getting religious”?
-Anonymous, 16

A. I must congratulate you on even having the nerve to talk to your friend in the first place. A lot of girls would not even have done that. It shows how much you love and care about her. I hope she realizes what a good friend you are and appreciates your effort. I also sympathize with your problem. I have seen many people who, upon entering high school and attending such parties, are influenced by the world. It only takes a little bit, like that first drink, to initiate an addiction to immorality. For your particular problem, I have three suggestions: continue to influence her through your own life, use facts to discourage her to participate, and remember to always persevere in teaching God’s word.

One of the best things you can do for someone is to be a Christian friend. Whether or not you realize it or she acknowledges it, everything you do will influence her. You may think that no one notices you, but everyone’s eyes are on Christians. Some are waiting for us to mess up so they can catch us, but others watch us because they admire the morality that Christians strive to achieve everyday. As Jesus said in Matthew 5:14, “Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.”(KJV) There are always someone’s eyes watching you. As Christians, we must relish the opportunity to influence others and let that inspire us to live lives that not only we can be proud of, but God as well. Merely refusing the party invitations was a proclamation to the world that you are a Christian and you are different from the world. To influence your friend you must continue to be different. Romans 12:2 says “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”(KJV) You must continue to turn down such invitations. Remember, you can be just as easily influenced by the world as she. If you know there is going to be a party this weekend, invite her to hang out with you instead. Show her that she can have just as much fun with you as at that party. Take advantage of the summer and the fact that she won’t be around her other school friends as much. You could even invite her to attend church camp with you. Check out our Top Ten list for ideas of fun things you can do together.

Another thing you can do to influence her is to say something to discourage her from ever desiring to participate in such activities. For example, some underage friends of mine were drinking last weekend at one of their homes while her parents were away. Apparently, there was a crowd of people there, all drinking and partying. The cops showed up and proceeded to take their names and phone numbers and call their parents. They were all too drunk to even try to evade the police and were all in serious trouble. In response to such an event, you could comment to your friend, “Why would anyone even want to do that? Is it really worth all that trouble? And think about the brain damage alcohol causes,” or you could also say, “I don’t understand how getting drunk, throwing up, and being arrested is fun.” Be creative and find ways to discourage that kind of behavior, without sounding as though you are judging her. You may want to talk about what a waste of one’s youth it is to get pregnant as a teenager, or refer to the many lives ruined by alcohol and drugs. Imagine that the school jock goes out and gets drunk every weekend after the game, and maybe even some on weeknights. He doesn’t need to worry about school; he already has a scholarship. Everyone else may admire him, and your friend may enjoy going to a party that she knows he’s attending. However, you could show your disapproval by commenting, “You know, I bet thirty years from now, he’ll be that alcoholic that sits in a bar all day and spends all his money on alcohol, reminiscing about when he was the star player of his high school team.” Let her know that there is no future in alcohol and definitely no eternal life.

No matter how much she may seem to hate talking about religion, you must never give up on teaching her about God. Of course, do not assault her with scripture on a daily basis, but keep sliding inconspicuous religious comments into your conversation. If you continue to be a Christian influence and try to be a living example of the contentment that God’s word brings, she may eventually come to you with questions about your religion. As ideal as that response is, it is unfortunately the least likely. Just remember to keep inviting her to church, youth group activities, gospel meetings, Vacation Bible School, church camp, and anything else that you think might benefit her. She may just need a little nudge to get her interested. Do not be discouraged if she becomes angry with you. Anger is sometimes the first reaction to God’s word. It may just mean that you need to step back for a little while and let it sink in or let her get over it. Whatever happens, you can never stop trying. Remember that we are commanded to teach all nations (Matt. 28:19). You can also pray for your friend. She really needs God right now, and if she won’t pray for herself, you need to be praying that she will make the right decisions in her life and be influenced by something you do or say. James 5:16 reminds us that we are to pray for one another. Even if nothing else you do or say seems to work, you can pray for God’s spirit to work on her heart—because God can work!

Your friend is right when she says that you can’t mother her. Unfortunately, you do not have the authority to keep her from attending parties or hanging out with the wrong people. What you can do is to influence her to want to live a Christian life and give her other options by inviting her to be with you instead. You may not be able to completely shield her from the world, but you can at least plant the seed and pray that it falls on good ground. Remember, if she doesn’t want to hear about Christ, she’s rejecting the Gospel, NOT you. If your friend doesn’t listen to you and parties or decides to drink anyway, it’s not your fault. You should not feel guilty. You may have done your best, but you cannot make her decisions for her. Your job is not to convict her, but to teach her God’s word.

By Rachel Conley