Pre-marital Sex

As with many moral dilemmas in our society, sex before marriage is becoming more and more acceptable. It seems as though we are bombarded with the issues of sex at a younger and younger age. Unfortunately, that means that as Christians, our choice to abstain from sex until marriage is no longer popular.

I know sex is a very touchy subject for many people. Teenagers are scared and curious. Some of you probably want to talk about it, but aren’t sure how. I think the biblical answer is simple and straightforward: The only way that sex is not a sin is when it is inside a marriage. “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Yet our country has a huge problem (and not just with teenagers) of sex outside of marriage.

The first reason many teenagers give for excusing sex is that the two love each other and will be together eventually anyway. My first response to that is that if you are going to be together anyway, why not wait? Having sex because you believe you are in love is not a reason for sex. What happens once you have sex and then one of you goes off to college, or you break up and date other people? You are left feeling used and betrayed. If you are in love and are going to be together, you can wait until the commitment of marriage has been made before having sex. God does not withhold sex from single people to make them miserable. He understands the emotional baggage and physical regrets that we may face.

I know most of you have heard this a hundred times: if he loves you, he will wait. It took me a long time to believe that. As teenage girls, we feel a lot of pressure from friends and boyfriends to have sex. Sometimes it gets to the point where you believe that if you have sex with him, he will love you. But, I promise you, it is just the opposite. You do not have to prove your love by having sex with him. And if he believes or says that he will love you more after you’ve had sex, he has a wrong and unbiblical idea of love.

Contrary to many teenagers’ beliefs, there is no mysterious club you join once you have had sex. It does not make you more mature, it does not make you wiser. In actuality, by choosing to have sex before marriage you open yourself up to a lot of pain and disappointment.

Pre-marital sex opens the door to various problems, including sexually transmitted diseases that even protection cannot protect you from. There are risks of pregnancy, AIDS, HIV, Chlamydia, and many others that can affect your future relationships as well as your health and ability to have children. First Corinthians 6:18 tells us, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” Your only protection is abstinence.

It seems as though in our society more and more teenage girls get pregnant. And while I am not saying this should be acceptable, they are many times judged at school by girls who are doing the same thing, but just have not gotten caught. I will never forget the first time I personally knew someone who got pregnant. My best friend found out at the beginning of our senior year that she was pregnant. Many people called her names and judged her because of this. Yet, later in the day you would hear them talking about doing the same act that got her in that situation. Does avoiding pregnancy make having sex okay? NO. The pregnancy is not the sin. The act of pre-marital sex is.

I know the damage pre-marital sex can cause all too well. As hard as it is for me to talk about, I have been there. I had pre-marital sex. Because of that, I contracted something called HPV. It is a virus that causes cervical cancer. (Although there is now a vaccine, they did not have that out when this happened to me.) When I was 18, the doctor found pre-cancerous cells on my ovaries and cervix. After several procedures to remove those cells, I was told I could never have children. I will never forget that day. I was too afraid to tell my parents, especially my mom. How could I ever have let this happen to me? I thought protection meant I was protected. Not so. There is NO protection that protects 100 percent––except abstinence. I sat and cried for days. I knew now my future was nothing. Who would want to ever marry me? I could not have babies and I had not saved myself for my husband. I could easily sit and blame my bad decisions on lack of self-esteem and wanting to be liked. But I take full responsibility for what I did. I asked God to forgive me for my actions and I learned to forgive myself.

Although God blessed me and my husband with a child, I will never forget that my bad decisions could have taken that away from me. I know it was only by the grace of God that I was granted a second chance at becoming a mom. I realize, though, that God knew what the future could hold for me. But, in my rush to grow up, I didn’t take into consideration the damage I was doing to myself and my body.

I only hope that my story will help some of you to make better decisions than I made. If you are having sex before marriage, I strongly urge you to reconsider your decision. Just because you have had sex before with someone does not mean you have to continue that aspect of your relationship. On the other hand, if you talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and he wishes to continue the physical aspect of the relationship anyway, than this is a relationship that you have to end. Remember that while this may be someone you love and want to be with, if that person loved you back, they would respect your feelings and God’s commands. If you know someone who may be in a relationship like this, talk to them about it. Explain that pressure and self-esteem are not reasons to have sex. Most importantly, if you or someone you know needs to be tested and/or have a health screening, know that there are places you can go to get help. County health departments can treat you, and your treatment can be confidential. Don’t think that because you made a mistake, you have to go untreated. The first step in changing your present is letting go of your past.

By Sarah J. Ancheta

To Dance or Not to Dance

All my life I have heard different opinions on the morals of dancing and going to dances. I have heard these from Christians and non-Christians, both young and old. I will not lie to you by saying that I think it is always wrong to dance, but I will tell you that I have made the choice not to attend dances. There are many things that contribute to my decision, but the main reason is because I desire so strongly to remain pure that I will not put myself in a position where I may give in to temptation (James 4:7).

Now, dancing around at an all-girl slumber party is not what I am talking about. I’m referring to dancing at parties and school dances. In itself, dancing at these events may not be wrong––but it certainly can become sinful (Matthew 26:41). Instead of dancing being the enjoyment of innocent fun, it often develops into something sexual and very inappropriate. You and your dancing partner obviously have the choice of not allowing it to become sinful, but this can be ridiculously difficult.

To explain what I mean I will use an experience from last year. I was home-schooled through most of middle school; as high school approached,  I decided to rejoin public school. This was a hard decision but I think for me it was the right one. I have a best friend who went to a Christian private school all her life and also entered public school for high school.

The Homecoming dance, which follows a huge football game, was during the beginning of the school year. I had made up my mind not to go, but since my friend had never been to a dance she begged me to come with her. So that night I asked my boyfriend to come with us, and after some convincing, he came too. I rushed home, threw on a dress, and headed straight to the dance.

It started out all right, mainly because no one was really dancing yet. But it quickly became something that I was simply ashamed to even be present at. A huge crowd of people toward the front were doing some of the most heinous dance moves I’ve ever seen in my life. I could not believe that these teenagers thought it was okay to dance in such a way and that the chaperons allowed them to do it! I was shocked and very upset.

We wanted to leave but were unable to, so we were forced to stand awkwardly in the back until the end of the party. We had a decent time in our little huddle, but I still would have rather been at home.

I am certainly not trying to say that all dances are bad, but I will say that they all have the potential to become bad (Proverbs 16:17). From this experience my friends and I have decided not to attend any more dances––instead we plan replacement activities! For example, during the previous dance at school we invited all of our friends from school and our youth group to an adult friend’s house from church to play games until midnight and then we all went bowling. We had Guitar Hero, Dance Dance Revolution, video games, and karaoke! It was a blast! Everyone had a great time and the awesome thing was that no one regretted skipping out on the dance.

This decision to not attend dances is one that should be decided personally after reading God’s word, talking to your parents, and praying (I Corinthians 7:5). Always consider the outcomes possible in every choice. Think to yourself how you, others, and God will benefit or not benefit from going to dances. If you discover after real thought that nothing truly good could result then choose to spend time in other activities. Always think if what you’re doing will glorify the Lord or not––if not, find another way to have fun and enjoy your time!

Shelby Garrett

Shelby Garrett

The Heart of the Matter

Most of us want to be truly virtuous, but we struggle with a desire to do sinful things. Why is it so hard to do what’s right when we know exactly what “right” is (Matthew 26:41)? We know gossip is wrong (1 Timothy 3:11), we know we need to dress modestly (1 Timothy 2:9), we know it’s a sin to lie (Revelation 21:8), and we know we should remain sexually pure (Hebrews 13:4). So if we know the difference between right and wrong, and since the Bible is so clear about the consequences of sin (1 Corinthians 6:9-10), then why do we still have such a difficult time living for Him?

I think the reason is because we allow little things that “aren’t that bad” into our lives all the time. How many times this week have you said, or heard someone else say, “It’s not that bad.” That is the same thing as saying, “It’s not good.” To say it’s not that bad is to minimize the significance and danger of sin. God knows that sin will hurt us, which is why he tells us not to do it! Think of all the ways things that aren’t “that bad” creep into your life. When we watch a TV show or movie that celebrates fornication, we are allowing impurities to enter our hearts, through our eyes and ears. When we bring our boyfriend home to our empty house after school and make out with him on the couch, we are knowingly allowing sexual thoughts to enter our brains. When we read articles in magazines that tell us when it’s okay to tell a little white lie, we are allowing ourselves to think that maybe God’s word, and His commandment to never lie, doesn’t apply to all situations.

Here’s the truth: it matters! Sin, in any form, matters! Satan uses those little white lies, the make out sessions, and the “not that bad” movies to desensitize us to sin. When we begin with one “not that bad” sin, we start a pattern of other “not that bad’s” that generally lead to something very, very bad! Satan knows that, and he will get to us in any way he can. We must also keep in mind that, to God, sin is sin. A small fib is as bad as a huge lie (1 Timothy 4:1-2). If we hate someone, it’s on the same level as murder (1 John 3:15). All sin is equally bad to our Lord.

Our hearts matter!

God looks at our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7). Is your heart beautiful, or is it ugly and full of sin? It doesn’t matter what the girl in your youth group does. We’re not talking about her. We’re talking about you. What does your heart look like? Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” If we find ourselves gossiping, lying, cursing, or watching inappropriate movies, the main problem is not our actions. The main problem is our impure heart causing us to do the sinful action.

How do we get a pure heart (Psalm 51:10)? We need to stop looking at others around us! We will always be able to find somebody who seems worse, or more sinful, than we are. That makes it so easy to justify what we’re doing. We can’t compare ourselves to other people. If we say, “Well, I do this, but that girl does….” then we’re justifying our sin based on the actions of other people. We need to say, “I did this, but Jesus would have…” Wow. Big difference, huh? The only human being we should compare ourselves to is Jesus. We need to look to Him, strive to live like Him, and not worry about what other people are doing.

The other people will have to answer for themselves (Romans 2:6-7), and while we do need to be a good example, encourage them to do well, and be happy for them when they succeed, we also need to make sure that we ourselves are right with God. Not for anyone else, and not to put on any kind of show, because when our heart is right, our show will naturally become one worth watching and emulating, and one that highlights Jesus.

Proverbs 31:10: “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”

Davonne Parks

Davonne Parks

Pierce my heart to be virtuous

Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”

Learn about virtue.

This staff isn’t perfect, but we all strive to be virtuous. Learn from our mistakes, read about how to develop virtuous relationships, and practice different ways of making virtue an everyday habit. Being a virtuous girl means refusing to accept sin in any form, including ways that are commonly accepted in our society.

October News:

We are excited to announce the premiere of our brand new media page which has desktop images and buddy icons available for download. Make your own desktop image and send it in with your name underneath your creation so we can post it on our media page for girls across the country to download!

Subscribe to this magazine for free by typing your e-mail address into the “eNews & Updates” box on the right-hand side of the page. You will receive one e-mail per day with all of the articles that have been added in the past 24 hours. We won’t clutter your in-box with useless nothings, so if there haven’t been any new articles in the past 24 hours, you simply won’t receive an e-mail that day!

Many people will celebrate Halloween at the end of this month, but some of us may not know how Halloween began or what it entails. Learn about the history of Halloween, and think about ways to have fun this autumn without celebrating any of the witchcraft this holiday is often associated with. Consider the meaning of costumes and parties that have supernatural undertones, and choose to only take part in activities that are pure and virtuous.

Back to the Virtue

The best way to become, and stay, virtuous is to read and study your Bible daily, and surround yourself with people who will encourage you to be pure. Spend this month focusing on becoming virtuous in all areas of your life, and you will be a more content, and more confident, person because of it.

Thinking virtue,

Davonne Parks

Davonne Parks

Light vs. Darkness

Since Halloween is at the end of this month, I thought it would be appropriate to share the true history with you and also discuss how as Christians and teenagers, we could take part in a celebration with our friends, without conforming to the wickedness that was originally intended for Halloween.

According to www.history.com, Halloween dates back to the Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in). The Celts celebrated their new year on November 1 and this day marked the beginning of the dark, cold winter––a time of year that was associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the New Year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and dead were blurred and the ghosts of the dead could return to earth. They would have bonfires and wear costumes and attempt to tell each others’ fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.

In the seventh century, November 1 was designated All Saints’ Day, a time to honor saints and martyrs. It is widely believed today that the pope was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related but church-sanctioned holiday. The celebration was called All-hallows and the night before it, the night of Samhain, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween. On Halloween, it was believed that ghosts came back to the earthly world, and, to avoid being recognized by these ghosts, people would wear masks when they left their homes after dark so that the ghosts would mistake them for fellow spirits.

In the second half of the nineteenth century, America was flooded with new immigrants. These new immigrants helped popularize the celebration of Halloween nationally. Taking from Irish and English traditions, Americans began to dress up in costumes and go house to house asking for food or money, a practice that eventually became today’s “trick-or-treat” tradition. In the late 1800s, there was a move in America to mold Halloween into a holiday more about community and neighborly get-togethers than about ghosts, pranks, and witchcraft.

At the turn of the century, Halloween parties for both children and adults became the most common way to celebrate the day. Parties focused on games, foods of the season, and festive costumes. Parents were encouraged by newspapers and community leaders to take anything “frightening” or “grotesque” out of Halloween celebrations. Because of their efforts, Halloween lost most of its superstitious and religious overtones by the beginning of the twentieth century.

Between 1920 and 1950, the centuries-old practice of trick-or-treating was also revived. Trick-or-treating was a relatively inexpensive way for an entire community to share the Halloween celebration. In theory, families could also prevent tricks being played on them by providing the neighborhood children with small treats. A new American tradition was born, and it has continued to grow.

While I have read many different versions of the history, most of them follow the history given above. Things that are generally associated with Halloween (i.e., witches, soothsayers, vampires, etc.) came into effect with the mesh of all the cultures that came to America.

Whether others celebrate this holiday as witches, warlocks, or vampires, as Christians we must reject these ideas. “There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire, one who uses divination, one who practices witchcraft, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who casts a spell, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who calls up the dead. For whoever does these things is detestable to the LORD; and because of these detestable things the LORD your God will drive them out before you.” Deuteronomy 18:10-12 (NAS)

Although most of us don’t celebrate it as a religious holiday, many of us have celebrated or are familiar with the celebration of Halloween. Growing up, we would dress up in usually-handmade costumes that we had been planning out for months in advance and would try to find the biggest pillowcase or bag to collect candy in. We never even associated the holiday with evil or witchcraft.

When I became a teenager (and was too old to trick-or-treat), my friends still dressed up on Halloween, but they did it to cause trouble. They would go out late at night and toilet paper and egg houses, smash pumpkins, and generally make a mess around town––their reasoning being that since they were too old to get the “treat” they now get to “trick.”

“Be not ye therefore partakers with them. For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.” Ephesians 5:7-11 (KJV)

This is where today’s teens come in. Perhaps instead of going out “tricking” with your friends this year, why not hold a different kind of party on Halloween? Choose something that is geared to the good rather than evil. Maybe have a costume party where everyone wears something that portrays a positive outlook rather than an evil one. Make foods that are associated with the time of year. Candied apples, roasted pumpkin seeds, and hot apple cider are wonderful in the cool autumn air. Have a hayride and bob for apples. These things you can do without being caught up in the negativity that is usually associated with the Halloween holiday.

Whatever you choose to do, remember that God wants us to walk in the light–– not in darkness!

By Sarah J. Ancheta

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Reading Virtue

The theme for October, to strive to be virtuous, is a very appropriate theme for the section of Scripture we’ll be reading this month. Paul writes a letter to the believers at Corinth, instructing and encouraging them to remain pure and obedient. Biblical Corinth was a centre of sin. It was a sexually immoral place, with its goddess Aphrodite. There were false gods and idols everywhere. Definitely not the most suitable place to strive for purity and obedience to Jesus’ teachings. Paul encourages the Philippians to continue in their obedience, writing the letter from prison. He commends their joy in serving Christ. Paul himself is in the midst of the persecution from others as a result of his own obedience to Christ. Although Paul encourages the Church to live pure lives that are pleasing to God, he also reminds the churches of Galatia and Ephesus that our salvation is by faith, and not works alone. Timothy shows perhaps one of the best examples in the Bible of a godly woman. Timothy’s mother and grandmother are praised for raising Timothy in a godly home and living as virtuous women. As you read these letters, focus on what God is saying to the churches, and to us, through Paul.

By Lisa Grimenstein

Suggested Reading, October 2008

October 01 (1 Corinthians 10:1-33; 11:1-16)
October 02 (1 Corinthians 11:17-34; 12:1-31)
October 03 (1 Corinthians 13:1-13; 14:1-40)
October 04 (1 Corinthians 15:1-49)
October 05 (1 Corinthians 15:50-58; 16:1-24)
October 06 (2 Corinthians 1:1-24; 2:1-17)
October 07 (2 Corinthians 3:1-18; 4:1-18; 5:1-11)
October 08 (2 Corinthians 5:12-21; 6:1-18; 7:1-16)
October 09 (2 Corinthians 8:1-24; 9:1-15)
October 10 (2 Corinthians 10:1-18; 11:1-33)
October 11 (2 Corinthians 12:1-21; 13:1-14)
October 12 (Galatians 1:1-24; 2:1-21)
October 13 (Galatians 3:1-29; 4:1-31)
October 14 (Galatians 5:1-26; 6:1-18)
October 15 (Ephesians 1:1-23; 2:1-22)
October 16 (Ephesians 3:1-21; 4:1-32)
October 17 (Ephesians 5:1-33; 6:1-24)
October 18 (Philippians 1:1-30; 2:1-30)
October 19 (Philippians 3:1-21; 4:1-23)
October 20 (Colossians 1:1-23; 2:1-23)
October 21 (Colossians 3:1-25; 4:1-18)
October 22 (1 Thessolonians 1:1-10; 2:1-20; 3:1-13)
October 23 (1 Thessolonians 4:1-18; 5:1-28)
October 24 (2 Thessolonians 1:1-12; 2:1-17; 3:1-18)
October 25 (1 Timothy 1:1-20; 2:1-15; 3:1-16)
October 26 (1 Tomothy 4:1-16; 5:1-25)
October 27 (1 Timothy 6:1-21)
October 28 (2 Timothy 1:1-18; 2:1-26)
October 29 (2 Timothy 3:1-17; 4:1-22)
October 30 (Titus 1:1-16; 2:1-15; 3:1-15)
October 31 (Philemon 1:1-25)

Phone Photos

Psalm 19:14 “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.”

Photos were taken with the camera phone of Michelle Jane.

Click on photos to enlarge.

Anger

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20).

Anger is probably something we are all so used to dealing with that we don’t even give it a second thought. It seems in our society that anger and rage have taken over almost everything. Sometimes the way we deal with our anger, and the anger of others, only makes the situations worse.

First we must understand what makes us angry. I can tell you now that the number one thing that makes me angry is traffic. I say a prayer every time I run into traffic for God to give me patience until I get out of it. I never really had a huge problem with it until I moved to a bigger city. After the first few times stuck in traffic, I began to think of why I let myself get so worked up over it. I realized that it was mostly because the traffic was caused by people not paying attention.

I know that there are specific reasons why we get angry, but I think that for all of them, there are sinful, basic reasons––selfishness, impatience––all of which are discussed in the Bible, and none of which God excuses. Having a good reason does not excuse our anger. We must overcome that anger. But what could I do to change the situation? I can’t force the cars to move. I can’t drive on the side of the road to get to my exit. So, I just have to get over it. Whatever your situation, once you have found the source of your anger, you have to figure out what you can do about it. Is it something you can change? If it is, then fix the situation so that it doesn’t tempt you to get angry anymore. Most importantly, pray for God to change your heart, and be aware that by dwelling on anger, you are sinning. If there isn’t a way to fix the situation then you have to learn to deal with what you are given. No matter what, you need to take care of it immediately. “Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26).

Sometimes, you may just want to deal with the problem on your own. Sometimes anger can be personal, and we need to prayerfully work it out with ourselves. Other times it helps to talk about your anger or frustrations with a friend who can hold you accountable. If you are struggling with a problem, don’t be afraid to talk it out. A good friend usually doesn’t mind hearing you discuss your struggles. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about it with a friend, then talk to a parent, teacher, or counselor. Sometimes when you think it is a situation you can’t change, another person will give you a completely different perspective and just might have the answer you have been searching for.  Be careful, however, If your anger involves someone else; only confide in one trustworthy person and guard your words, or you may fall into the trap of gossiping (Proverbs 20:19).

We all get angry for various reasons. Usually it is at others or circumstances, but sometimes it is even at ourselves. The important thing to remember is that we cannot let our angry control us. Anger can be hurtful and it can take over if it goes unaddressed. If left unchecked, anger can turn into violence and can lead to a lot of trouble that could have been avoided if only we had addressed the issue at the root of our anger.

As Christians, remember that you are never alone. You can always turn to Jesus. Pray about it. Pray that God will help you let go of your anger. Always trust that God will hear your prayer. You may not always get the answer you want when you want it, but rest assured you will get an answer. “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21). We have the opportunity to show the world that we have the choice to make something good come out of an otherwise bad situation.

By Sarah J. Ancheta

Do You Know?

Do you know. . .

  • the books of the Old and New Testaments by heart?
  • what one must do to be saved, along with the scriptures to support it?
  • the structure of the church?
  • how God wants us to worship Him?
  • the meaning of the parables?

We should want to study the Bible because. . .

  • it is the Word of God
  • it is the only way to salvation
  • it is the only way to prove all things
  • it is the only way to be approved by God
  • it is the only way to detect error
  • it is the only way to know what to teach others
  • it is the best way to gain spiritual knowledge
  • it is the best way to grow spiritually

Studying takes time and dedication to learn what God has told us and persistence to apply it to our lives. The list above is based on the book How to Study the Bible by Kevin W. Rhodes.

The attitude in which we study is also important.

“As the Deer Panteth for the Water” by Martin Nystrom

As the deer panteth for the water,
So my soul longeth after thee:
You alone are my heart’s desire,
And I long to worship thee.

You’re my friend and You are my brother
Even though You are a King.
I love You more than any other,
So much more than anything.

I want You more than gold or silver,
Only You can satisfy
You alone are the real joy giver
And the apple of my eye.

You alone are my strength, my shield,
To you alone may my spirit yield;
You alone are my heart’s desire,
And I long to worship thee.

This is my favorite song, and I think that it gives the attitude that we should have in our lives about God and studying His word.

Let’s make the decision to spend time studying His word each day, starting right now. “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth” (2 Tim. 2:15).

By Megan Skinner

Tales of Mary – Episode 4

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