Alcoholic Father

“I have a question about alcohol. My dad drinks all the time. He sometimes comes home drunk. Other times he invites friends over, sits in the game room, and comes out drunk. He always has a bad attitude. So what can a 12-year-old do about that?”

A. Having never been in this situation myself, I was a little unsure of the advice to give you. So, I asked some others who are more familiar with this for their suggestions – one is a minister and counselor, and the other is also a counselor. My response is a mixture of their advice and my advice.

Both of them agree that you should avoid him when he’s drunk and in a bad mood. I don’t know your father, and he might never do this, but there is a much greater chance of him becoming angry and abusing you when he’s drunk.

Go to your room to read or listen to music, or call a friend to see if you can spend the night. If you feel threatened by him, call an adult you trust or, if he seems out of control, call the police. According to the counselor, “It’s important to remember that your job is to take care of yourself. You can start by finding an adult that you trust. There may be a school counselor, a person at your church or in the neighborhood who you know would always be glad to listen to you and to help you. Having someone near you who you trust is very important.” Don’t be too afraid to report him if he threatens you. Remember, it is not your job to protect him. Sadly, he’s forgotten that it’s his job to protect you.

One of the most helpful things you can do is pray for your father daily. Pray that he will overcome his disease and that he will see how it’s destroying his life and family relationships. Another action you can take was suggested by the minister. He said that when he is sober – and the time seems right – you could say, “Dad, please don’t drink. It scares me to be around you. Ask someone to help you quit if you can’t stop.” Knowing that you care and are being hurt by him might be the initiative he needs to quit.

The most important thing to remember is not to let his alcoholism influence you to drink. Take his example as an incentive to avoid alcohol in the future – you’ve witnessed the negative effects it bears. The female counselor wished to remind you, “The rest of the time you should be asking yourself each day ‘What kind of person do I want to be?’ This is the time of your life when you can be focused on good grades, an activity that is special to you (sports, music,etc.), and good friends who also want to have meaningful lives. It’s the time of your life to remember that being sober means you get to make all the choices for your life . . . that drugs or alcohol are not making choices for you.”

Remember that Christians are to partake only in things that are good. Romans 14:19 reads, “Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.” We hope that our suggestions will help you with your struggle.

– Rachel Conley

If you have a question you’d like Rachel’s advice about, please let us know!