Childish Behavior

August 14, 2009 Leave a Comment

Q. How can I control my childish wife?

aag1A. It is not our job as husbands to control our wives, but to love them unconditionally and sacrificially. This includes loving them––and showing love to them––regardless of what we perceive their faults to be. God is the One who should be in control of our lives and marriages. Although God commands our wives to respect us as husbands (Ephesians 5:22-24), He does not give us the authority to be “controlling” over our wives––as is mentioned in your question.

You cannot control her reactions, responses, and attitude; you can only control your own. The Holy Spirit is the only one that can convict her of her “childish” ways. You cannot and should not. If you try to convict her––or confront her in an unloving manner––she will probably resent you. Pray that the Holy Spirit will convict her heart to change, and also pray that God will give you the strength and patience (Colossians 3:19) to love her unconditionally, whether she changes or not (Ephesians 5:25).

I would encourage both of you to seek Christian marriage counseling. I hope you are part of a church family with some wise and discerning married couples to whom you could both (or at least you) go for advice. Also, hopefully you are in a church family where your wife could form strong relationships with godly women who could be a positive influence on her. Most likely, she would listen to their words with an open heart before she would listen to you. Do not, however, try to take matters into your own hands by telling these women about your wife––trust God to take care of this in His time. You can also form strong relationships with godly men who can be a positive influence for you, and who will encourage you to love your wife the way Christ wants you to love her (Ephesians 5:25-27).

I would recommend you do special things for your wife to demonstrate your love for her. You could make her dinner, buy her flowers, or do things around the house that are usually left for her to take care of. She may not acknowledge them, or appreciate them, but you will be showing obedience to God, regardless, by loving your wife as He commands. As men, we have a great tendency to want to “fix” things, but as Christians, we need to leave the fixing up to God and wait patiently on Him.

I also recommend seeing the movie “Fireproof,” which is about a man who gives his life to God, and in the process changes the direction of his unloving, broken marriage.

– Adam Grimenstein

Filed Under: Ask a Guy

One Man and One Woman

August 13, 2009 Leave a Comment

I could not let the marriage issue of Pierce My Heart pass without talking about the biggest marriage debate in politics right now: same-sex marriage. It seems more and more frequently, law makers and political figures are talking about whether or not homosexuals should be allowed to marry.

itw11There are currently six states that have voted to legalize same-sex marriage: Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, Maine, and New Hampshire. California allowed it for five months and recognizes the marriages that were performed during that time. New York and Washington DC recognizes same-sex marriages performed in other states but do not allow them performed there.

Many homosexuals claim that they are discriminated against because of how they were made. They claim that women were liberated and slaves were freed, and they themselves should be seen as complete equals. However, unlike race, gender, or disability, which makes up who a person is, homosexuality is what someone does.

God’s word once again holds the answer to this great debate. Marriage is between one man and one woman. Leviticus 18:22: “Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it is an abomination.”

In addition to how God biologically made man and woman for each other, he also gave both distinct roles (Genesis 2:18-25). God made woman to be a “helpmeet” for man (Genesis 2:18). God also told man to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28); in a homosexual relationship procreation would be impossible.

As Christians, it is important that we stand up for what God’s plan was for marriage. While this means that we should fight for our country to not give in to the tolerance of sin—homosexuality or otherwise—we also need to be sure that we are displaying the love of God to everyone, since we, too, are sinners. If we have a relationship with someone who is struggling, we can kindly tell them about God and His love for all people, and His desire for them to have a relationship with Him. That is the one relationship that truly matters.

By Sarah Ancheta

Filed Under: In the World

Fireproofing Your Marriage

August 12, 2009 1 Comment

“Fireproof doesn’t mean that a fire will never come, but that when it comes, you’ll be able to withstand it.”

mm11Have you noticed how Hollywood seems to delight in marriage? But not a healthy, godly marriage––marriages that are broken and unfaithful. We are constantly informed of the latest news of a star’s ending marriage, or of some unfaithfulness going on. And most of the time, it’s with some amusement. That’s why it’s so refreshing to watch a movie that portrays a real glimpse of what marriage often becomes, and what it should be.

Fireproof is one of the best and most convicting movies I’ve seen. Produced and directed by a church in Georgia (who has also made several other movies), this $500,000 movie has brought in tens of millions. Although I was skeptical of the acting, which had been reported as being mediocre, I was blown away by the message.

Kirk Cameron plays lead character Caleb Holt, a firefighter whose seven-year marriage is burning to the ground. He has experienced the ever-common complaint of many married couples––he’s fallen out of love. And his wife, Catherine, played by new-actress Erin Bethea, feels the same way. They both individually feel as though there is no love left in the marriage and that anything good is far outweighed and overshadowed by the bad. The film is very honest in portraying some of the “parasites” in marriage. Caleb struggles with pornography (the movie is very subtle with this), and Catherine faces a temptation many women encounter––another man who attends to her emotions while her husband neglects them.

On the brink of deciding on divorce, Caleb is challenged by his father to try the “Love Dare.” He reluctantly commits to this 40-day challenge of sacrificially loving his wife, and struggles to remain dedicated as his wife rejects any effort on his part to save their marriage. In one moment of frustration, he argues with his dad, saying, “How am I supposed to show love for somebody who over and over and over constantly rejects me?!”

It’s then that the amazing truth behind a successful marriage is revealed––we can’t do it without God’s Spirit working in us. Jesus could have easily asked the same question to His Father––“How am I supposed to love them when they keep rejecting Me?!” As Christians, though, we are given this Helper. When we acknowledge that we don’t have the strength in us to love our spouses on our own, and allow God’s Spirit to work in us, that is when we are able to love our spouses the way God commands.

Fireproof does a great job of realistically portraying a deteriorating marriage that is void of God. It is also very straightforward in its message of what God wants a marriage to be. This movie is one that should be seen by any married couple, whether they are struggling or not, as it challenges us to evaluate our marriages and sacrificially love our wives and respect our husbands as God commands (Ephesians 5:33).

By Lisa Grimenstein

Filed Under: Media Matters

No Excuses

August 11, 2009 Leave a Comment

jft3We are all sinners (Romans 3:23). But how often do we try to excuse our sin? As a mom, I expect my sons to obey me. Immediately, completely, without argument or complaint. I’m their parent, and it saddens me when they are disobedient.

But how often do we complain or argue about being obedient to our Parent? Sometimes, we just look the other way and completely ignore the command put in front of us. Sometimes, we tell our Father that we’ll get to it in a minute. Later, we say. Or we give it a half-hearted effort, only partly doing what He requests in His word. Imagine how that saddens Him.

I don’t give my children rules and commands in order to punish them or control their lives. I do it to train them and help them grow, in the hopes that they will ultimately desire to live obediently for God. In this same way, God desires for us to grow up in Him, and He gives us His Holy Spirit to strengthen and help us (Philippians 1:19).

Too often, even with my children and husband, I’m tempted to rationalize my sin if I react impatiently or selfishly to a situation. But does anything really excuse my sin? No. God doesn’t include “exclusions” in His Word. Just as with my children, disobedience is disobedience, regardless of how I might try to excuse it. We will never learn anything about obedience if we think we have the right to excuse ourselves from it. Let’s pray that we’re reminded of that the next time we’re tempted to tell God, “Later.”

By Lisa Grimenstein

Filed Under: Just for Today

Whose Approval?

August 10, 2009 Leave a Comment

jft21“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

Whose approval do you seek? I have to admit, I’m a people pleaser. I don’t want people to be upset with me. I want them to like me. But recently, I’ve realized that the only One from Whom I need to seek approval is God. Ultimately, eternally, He is the only one whose opinion matters. I’ve known this to be true, but lately, I have realized how important it is to keep His approval foremost in my mind.

As it says in Galatians, I am a servant of Christ, and should therefore not still be seeking the approval of men. As you go about your life, think about whose servant you are. Consider the eternality of whose approval you are trying to win. Will it really matter if you always pleased your friends, employers, acquaintances? Or will it matter that you loved others while ultimately living to please only Him?

By Lisa Grimenstein

Filed Under: Just for Today

Happily Ever After

August 8, 2009 Leave a Comment

jft12I love fairytales. I love movies with happy endings, stories that conclude with “happily ever after,” and tales of true love. These types of stories may be “unrealistic” to some, but I thoroughly enjoy them…and I believe I now see why!

The Bible is like a love letter from God. We read plainly, “For God so loved the world…” in John 3:16, and, “…He loved us…” in 1 John 4:10; therefore we know that God loves us. If you get a handwritten letter––even a short card––in the mail, you feel appreciated and loved, don’t you? Well, God’s given you a whole Book (2 Timothy 3:16). In that Book, He tells us what obedience is, how we are saved, and how we can live with God and Jesus eternally one day.

Jesus, our Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6), died for us. He loved us so much––enough to give everything for us (Hebrews 2:17)––in order that we could be forgiven of our sins (1 John 4:10), and be given a home with Him some day (Mark 8:34; 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17).

Doesn’t this remind you of the beautiful fairytales we love so much? Well, guess what…it’s not a fairytale! We can live life knowing that He will return for us. How wonderful it is that we have such a Prince from God, with whom we can live “happily ever after” someday.

By Hannah Smith

Filed Under: Just for Today

Completing the Outfit: Giveaway

August 6, 2009 21 Comments

ss1“Does a maiden forget her jewelry, a bride her wedding ornaments?” (Jeremiah 2:32)

One size fits all––words we all love to hear. Whether it’s gold or silver, jeweled or not, it’s nice to know that there are some things in our wardrobe that will always fit. And there are few ways to add to or complete an outfit more easily or inexpensively than jewelry.

Whether an occasion calls for something casual and basic or a little more formal, there is an abundance of accessories to be found. While everyone has her own taste in jewelry, there are a few simple things to remember when accessorizing.

Accessorize and remove

Sometimes, especially if we’re new to accessorizing, we tend to overdo it. We figure that, when it comes to jewelry, we need one necklace, one pair of earrings, one bracelet, our watch, a ring. Remember that your jewelry should complement your outfit, not overwhelm it. Allow it to add some color and personality to your wardrobe without using it to make your ultimate statement. So, I’ve often heard it said to put on the jewelry you have planned and then remove one piece. This usually cuts down on any overdoing.

Don’t let your neck and ears compete

Some people have a problem when it comes to earrings and necklaces. They find a great, dangly pair of earrings that would go great with an outfit, and also a chunky necklace to wear with it. But when both pieces are worn together, they compete with one another. If you are wearing an attention-getting necklace, keep your earrings simple––gold or silver hoops or small studs. If you really love the way a pair of earrings looks with an outfit, wear a simple, complementing necklace with them, or skip the necklace altogether.

Distractingly ear-catching

ss2Although fun, playful bangles are popular right now, they can also be very distracting––not to look at, but to hear. Keep this in mind when accessorizing. If you’re going to be at school or church, or some other “quiet” location, don’t wear something––like bangles––that are going to be distractingly noisy every time you move. Save them for a fun day out with friends.

Draw the attention upward

One great thing about jewelry––specifically earrings and necklaces––is that it draws the focus upward, toward your face, and away from any areas you don’t want noticed. (Also, longer necklaces tend to slim the body because of the vertical lines they create.) Colorful necklaces and dangly earrings frame your face, making it more of a focal point. This is where we want others’ focus to be––on our face.

Start accessorizing!

Whether you’re hanging out with some girlfriends, dining with your husband, or attending a wedding, it’s always the perfect time to start accessorizing your wardrobe. Remember, though, that our beauty should not come from what we put on but by what is coming out of us (1 Peter 3:3). We are most beautiful when we are reflecting Christ through the Spirit in us.

“Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor, and clothe yourself in honor and majesty.” Job 40:10

Giveaway

ssnecklaceThis month, we’re giving away a necklace, perfect for the married or unmarried, or even as a shower gift for a special bride-to-be in your life. This heart-shaped necklace with the phrase “Love never fails” enscripted on it is a simple and perfect way to dress up any outfit, casual or not.

To enter the contest, please leave a comment by August 29 on this post telling us what your favorite piece of jewelry is, or a subject you’d like to see covered in a future Style Sense article.

We’ll announce the winner on August 31. Good luck!

By Lisa Grimenstein

Visit our Monthly Issues page to view all of our past themes, and visit our August 2009 page to read our entire current issue, in a blog-type format, about marriage.

Filed Under: Giveaways, Style Sense

Instantly Changed: The Marriage

August 5, 2009 Leave a Comment

Go here and here to read parts one and two in this series.

h2haMy life changed in just an instant of passion. Frank and I married as soon as he was finished with basic training. We lived with my parents for a couple of months and then moved into an apartment. I clung to the hope that Frank truly loved me because he cried and held me tight before he left for basic training. We held each other and we both cried. I took that as my sign that I should go ahead and marry him when he returned. Up until that point, I was still undecided. My parents told me that I didn’t have to marry him just because I was pregnant. They let me make up my own mind.

Being a single, pregnant teenage mom was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I never fit in again with my peers. They were all going off to college to start their lives away from home and to pursue careers. At that time, I felt like I missed a fun time of growing up, and I missed the opportunity to go to college.

Frank got a job his last year of high school and gave me the money for our baby’s expenses. He also sent money home to me while he was in basic training. He did try to provide for us and perhaps he loved me in his own way.

He always had a job; although, throughout our marriage he was fired or lost jobs from time to time. All through our marriage he was emotionally abusive. He was unfaithful to me several times that I knew for certain and countless other times that I couldn’t find a way to prove. His stories never added up, or they were so bizarre that in retrospect, they weren’t even believable. It was a bittersweet marriage. He was way too harsh with the children and at times physically abusive to them. I knew I had to get out, but I didn’t know where to find the strength.

Check back soon to read part four in this series.

Anonymous

Filed Under: Heart to Heart

Beat the Heat by Beading!

August 4, 2009 Leave a Comment

When it’s hot out, we often head inside for awhile to find something to keep ourselves busy. This month, for our Gifted Girls column, we are looking at jewelry. Making jewelry is a great way to stay busy and have fun in the summertime! Show younger girls in the congregation that they are special to you by making them bracelets. Bead a pair of earrings for a special role model woman in your life. There are tons of different colors, shapes, and sizes, so be creative! Here are some photos to get you inspired:

Made by Hannah Smith

Bracelet made by Hannah Smith

Bracelet made by Hannah Smith

Bracelet made by Hannah Smith

Earrings made by Hannah Smith

Earrings made by Hannah Smith

Bracelets made by Hannah Smith

Bracelets made by Hannah Smith

Bracelet made by Davonne Parks

Bracelet made by Davonne Parks

For instructions on how to make your own beaded jewelry, search online, visit your local craft store, or go to beadage.net.

Coming Up

If you’ve gone on a beach vacation, or just played in a sandbox this summer, please submit a photo of your sand creations to Info @ PierceMyHeart . com (remove spaces) by August 29 for use in our Gifted Girls column next month!

By Hannah Smith

Filed Under: Gifted Girls
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