Handling Disagreements

One of the things I have realized since high school is that it always seemed as though girls were in the most arguments. Usually, it seemed to be over petty things. I can’t even begin to tell you the subjects of the many disagreements I had with my friends. And it seems as if the primary instigator of arguments in high school has to do in some way with boys.

As teenage girls, we have a lot going on within ourselves. With hormones and physical changes, plus juggling school and homework, it can all be a bit overwhelming. But let me assure you, ladies, any guy worth having is not going to be flattered by you fighting over him. He may be flattered that you like him, but physically or verbally fighting with someone you are suppose to be friends with is only going to make him question your character. I have to say, I don’t recall ever fighting with my friend over a boy. Now, we argued over whether or not the guy was right for us, but never about which one of us liked him first, or about whether we were taking the other friend’s “man.”

Another huge issue is physical violence. I am sure most of us have heard about the videos posted on the internet of girls fighting. Why would they fight? Why would they stoop to violence? Sometimes the reason given was simply that they didn’t like the other person. There will be plenty of people in life that we will not like and will not get along with. But that is no reason to hit anyone. Walk away. Don’t waste your time or energy on someone who “pushes your buttons.” Remember, Jesus commanded us to love our enemies and those who persecute us. Them hitting you first is not a reason to fight. As Christians we need to be godly people and be willing to walk away. Matthew 5:38-39 tells us: “Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.” Remember, there is a line between fighting and self defense. Usually if you walk away, the most someone is going to do is call you names. But, if you fight with them, one or both of you could end up hurt. As Christians, we should be different from the rest of the world. Fighting and arguing only makes us blend in with the world.

Even during an argument, a true friend would not hit you. That is part of the respect gained by the friendship. I don’t have to worry about being hit in response to anything I say to my friend, because I know she would never hit me, even if it was something she didn’t like. I am the same way with her. In high school, we occasionally said things we didn’t mean about the other. But that never led us to hitting each other.

Many times fights are escalated because instead of talking to the person involved, we talk to other people about the issue. This happened many times with my friend. I can see now how wrong we were. We both usually felt like if we talked it out with others, then we would not say something we didn’t mean to the other. But, in the end, the story usually got turned into gossip and words were put into each of our mouths. I can assure you, the best thing to do when you argue with your friend is to talk to her about it first. “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother” (Matthew 18:15). We should also never fail to ask for the forgiveness of those whom we have hurt. This is an important step in clearing up arguments and disagreements and should not be overlooked.

There are many ways to handle different disagreements. Usually the solution depends on the exact situation. If you feel as though you and your friend need help working out a disagreement, ask a parent, counselor, or teacher. Sometimes an outside party can see a solution to the problem that you are both overlooking. Don’t let it get out of hand. It is always good to remember that as Christians, we should always strive to be an example in any situation. By studying God’s word and letting His light shine through us, we can show others what a true friendship should be.

By Sarah J. Ancheta